Friday, November 14, 2008

Here is most of the transcript of a conversation I had with comedian Jamie Kennedy, who will be at Wiseguys in Ogden on Saturday night. I couldn't print most of it for space, but also because of some of the language. The questions I asked are different from what I actually said, because I "uh" and mumble a lot.

Have you been to Utah?
I don't know if I've ever been to Utah. Is Utah going to be cool or are they going to be all weird? You can curse, right? I don't know a lot about Mormons, I just know they're supposed to have a lot of chicks.

Are you a member of the LDS faith?
Uh, no.

Why are you on "Ghost Whisperer"?
Jay Mohr was on there, and then he got his own show, Gary Unmarried, and then they decided they needed another funny guy and I met with them. And I ended up getting a job. It's been going great. They've had some of their highest ratings ever, this year. I'm on all season.

Do you believe in ghosts?
Yeah, definitely. It's one of those things where there's too many coincidences. I was thinking about them last night. When it's light, I don't get scared, but when it's dark, it's spooky.

Do they let you improv on the CBS show?
Yeah, you gotta get your story points in, but they definitely let me have fun. I get to add my stuff. They let me improv.

Why stand-up?
I was always wanting to be an actor. I have a lot of energy. An actor's job when you first start out, you try to hustle up jobs and going on auditions and you wait. I thought, I can't just wait anddo nothing. I gotta do something. So I started doing stand-up as a way to act out things that normally I would act out in a room. I started getting jobs, and movies, and other things, so I'd have more time, in my trailer, writing. My brain is just so active I put it into that.

What's your act?
I talk about my experiences. Things I've done, and things personally. Things that have happened to me. Things in my life. It just grows as I grow. It's not like me on TV. I, like, do characters and stuff, but I talk about the first time I had sex. I talk about going to the Playboy Mansion, I talk about different girlfriends I've had, just different stuff like that. It's adult, but it's not dirty. it's fun. It's all things that have happened in my life.

What do some fans say to you?
I can't say it in the paper, but you can bleep it out. Like I have people come up to me and ask for autographs and stuff, and I don't know if they like me or not. Like Mexicans, 'cause everything they ask for my autograph, they end the sentence with the word "f____er." They're like, Ay, Jamie, I like your movies, it cracked me up ... f____er. And I'm like, are you mad at me? They're like, No, I just want your autograph ... f____er. I never know if they're pissed at me.

Will you be in "Scream 4" if there is one?
I got shot in Scream, and everyone thought I was dead, and then I crept back, and in Scream 2 I got killed, and then I was in Scream 3 in a video tape from Scream 2. If there's a Scream 4, maybe there will be more video tape. Who knows? You can always come back, right?

Do you regret that most people know you for being in "Scream"?
No, it's a classic movie. I was happy and lucky to be a part of it. If you think of Freddie, if you think of Jason, you think of Michael Myers, and Scream is one of those classic things. It is weird when people still call me "Randy," 14 years later. I'm like, really, I've done things since then.

Did the network ever prohibit you from doing sketches on "The Experiment"?
A lot of stuff, We had this whole thing where I wanted to do "Baby Sale." You know how people go to the store, and you always run into a hippie, and they're working for Greenpeace, and they're giving away puppies or kittens. So I wanted to have a store with a box with like four babies in it. I'd have an Asian baby, an African-American baby, these cute little babies, and I'm just like, "Baby Sale." Like how people sell puppies. And I would watch these people freak out. The network wouldn't let me do it. I also wanted to do this thing. Our make-up man was so good that he could do anything. He can make a v_____ for you and put it on you. It looks like you have a v_____. So I wanted to put a v_____ on and go home, and it would be called "Jamie's New Addition." I'd meet all my friends and tell them that I decided to get a v____ and see if people would believe that because it looked so real. It's connected to you,and it looks like you tucked [your p_____] away. It looks like you have a v_____. Again the network wouldn't let me do that.