More Dream Headlines
The Salt Lake Tribune's New Year's Day Our View was given over to the fifth annual collection of Dream Headlines. Those are readers' submissions of headlines they hope to see in the coming year. As always, the subjects ranged from the serious to the absurd, on topics global to local. And, as always, we received far more than we had room for in the newspaper.
But, then, that's what the Internet is for.
Here are many more of the submissions we were pleased to receive. Some of them are here, not in print, simply because they are technically too long to be headlines. Some of them may be a bit obscure. Think yourself bright and incisive if you get it. Think the author obtuse and thick if you don't.
Thanks to all who played along. And Happy New Year!
-- George Pyle
Kirby becomes serious and makes sense
Trib eliminates annoying sticky note on newspaper
NFL team comes to Salt Lake
TRAX gets understandable speakers on trains
No one died in Iraq today
-- Ed Hall
DeLay, Abramoff, Rumsfeld awarded Medal of Freedom
Supreme Court: Constitution declared unconstitutional
Iraq situation upgraded to monumental tragedy
-- Paul Zelenka
Rocky Anderson seeks Mexican presidency
-- Harry W. Patrick
Bush, Cheney resign; Pelosi takes oath
Hatch composes ballet: The Nutcaker
-- Frank Musgrave
Mary Brown Malouf finally finds restaurant she can stomach
Larry H. Miller bails-out Real Salt Lake
-- Paul McGill
Larry H. Miller caves; Arena renamed US Airways Center
U.S. signs Kyoto
TSA stays stupid airport security rules
-- Scott Widmer
Democracy restored in USA: World watches
No more torture! Geneva not "quaint"
Utah public ed leads nation
-- Dennis L. Kay
Cannon out; Bagley to edit D-News
Conway out; Kirby to edit Tribune
-- Fred Brady
Bush impeached
Monkey Wrench Gang finally succeeds
Washington Co. land boom busts
-- Edwin Firmage Jr.
Scientists find red meat & lard have health benefits
-- Arthur Reilly
Questar provides free green stickers
-- Joyce Scott
Independent investigation launched for 9/11 crimes
-- Curtis Holt
Hinckley decries Utah theocracy; says 'Get real"
-- W. Ellington
Harvard and Yale abolish legacy admissions based on Bush presidential performance
U.S. troops push south to Panama in search of defendable southern border
-- Lew Baker
Nothing left to chance: Utah Lottery funds education
-- Brigitte Klement
Huntsman education plan: 'Adopt-a-Teacher'
Polygamists provide critical swing vote for Romney
-- Mike Ptaschinski
Hinckley reveals: Shun promiscuity, promote gay marriage
Mullen recants, returns to Tribune
-- Peggy Fujimura
Tribune hires a conservative to replace Mullen
-- James R. Clendenon
Bush administration on trial for war crimes
-- D. Wood
U.S. no longer largest arms dealer
Cheap, clean fusion power for all
-- Will Crowther
Hatch resigns: 'We lost our way, I'm sorry'
People take back government from business
Bush has epiphany: People mean more than money and power
-- Mike Coronella
Legislature repeals everything, adjourns, order ensues
-- Rob Latham
Monorail will connect City Creek Center to Gateway
Lake Powell filled to capacity
-- J.L. Smith
Mitt Romney changes mind again, wants Hillary as running mate
-- Alan E. Wright
Scores emulate Huntsmans: Thousand foster kids adopted
-- James Schnitter
Utah leads nation in science education
Teaching evolution becomes mandatory in Utah schools
-- Steven Peck
Mullen returns; editor fired
-- Willard G. Smith
Bush, Cheney impeached
-- Glen V. Ruff
Iraqi government orders all coalition forces out of country immediately
-- Joe Cronin
Utah's new 4th District elects Democrat
al-Sadr: Democracy is better than Sharia
Gov confesses: I'm really a Democrat
-- Ann Kamp
Huntsman Cancer Center finds cure for breast cancer
Brian David Mitchell behaves in court
Original Book of Mormon found at Deseret Industries
Kobe Bryant has two scoreless games
Olympics return in 2014
-- Nancy S. Bento
Utah joins civilized world
Wine recognized as food
-- Glen M. Burnham
All U.S. troops home
-- G. Edward Lloyd
New Deseret News editor, Joe Cannon, provides details on brother Chris, Abramoff ties
Supreme Court decides that only civil weddings are legal
Jeffs has revelation: A woman to replace him
-- Paul S. Carpenter
Finealee Edukashun Fundead Fairlee: Tax Exhempshun per child Eliminated
-- Jon Dewey
But, then, that's what the Internet is for.
Here are many more of the submissions we were pleased to receive. Some of them are here, not in print, simply because they are technically too long to be headlines. Some of them may be a bit obscure. Think yourself bright and incisive if you get it. Think the author obtuse and thick if you don't.
Thanks to all who played along. And Happy New Year!
-- George Pyle
Kirby becomes serious and makes sense
Trib eliminates annoying sticky note on newspaper
NFL team comes to Salt Lake
TRAX gets understandable speakers on trains
No one died in Iraq today
-- Ed Hall
DeLay, Abramoff, Rumsfeld awarded Medal of Freedom
Supreme Court: Constitution declared unconstitutional
Iraq situation upgraded to monumental tragedy
-- Paul Zelenka
Rocky Anderson seeks Mexican presidency
-- Harry W. Patrick
Bush, Cheney resign; Pelosi takes oath
Hatch composes ballet: The Nutcaker
-- Frank Musgrave
Mary Brown Malouf finally finds restaurant she can stomach
Larry H. Miller bails-out Real Salt Lake
-- Paul McGill
Larry H. Miller caves; Arena renamed US Airways Center
U.S. signs Kyoto
TSA stays stupid airport security rules
-- Scott Widmer
Democracy restored in USA: World watches
No more torture! Geneva not "quaint"
Utah public ed leads nation
-- Dennis L. Kay
Cannon out; Bagley to edit D-News
Conway out; Kirby to edit Tribune
-- Fred Brady
Bush impeached
Monkey Wrench Gang finally succeeds
Washington Co. land boom busts
-- Edwin Firmage Jr.
Scientists find red meat & lard have health benefits
-- Arthur Reilly
Questar provides free green stickers
-- Joyce Scott
Independent investigation launched for 9/11 crimes
-- Curtis Holt
Hinckley decries Utah theocracy; says 'Get real"
-- W. Ellington
Harvard and Yale abolish legacy admissions based on Bush presidential performance
U.S. troops push south to Panama in search of defendable southern border
-- Lew Baker
Nothing left to chance: Utah Lottery funds education
-- Brigitte Klement
Huntsman education plan: 'Adopt-a-Teacher'
Polygamists provide critical swing vote for Romney
-- Mike Ptaschinski
Hinckley reveals: Shun promiscuity, promote gay marriage
Mullen recants, returns to Tribune
-- Peggy Fujimura
Tribune hires a conservative to replace Mullen
-- James R. Clendenon
Bush administration on trial for war crimes
-- D. Wood
U.S. no longer largest arms dealer
Cheap, clean fusion power for all
-- Will Crowther
Hatch resigns: 'We lost our way, I'm sorry'
People take back government from business
Bush has epiphany: People mean more than money and power
-- Mike Coronella
Legislature repeals everything, adjourns, order ensues
-- Rob Latham
Monorail will connect City Creek Center to Gateway
Lake Powell filled to capacity
-- J.L. Smith
Mitt Romney changes mind again, wants Hillary as running mate
-- Alan E. Wright
Scores emulate Huntsmans: Thousand foster kids adopted
-- James Schnitter
Utah leads nation in science education
Teaching evolution becomes mandatory in Utah schools
-- Steven Peck
Mullen returns; editor fired
-- Willard G. Smith
Bush, Cheney impeached
-- Glen V. Ruff
Iraqi government orders all coalition forces out of country immediately
-- Joe Cronin
Utah's new 4th District elects Democrat
al-Sadr: Democracy is better than Sharia
Gov confesses: I'm really a Democrat
-- Ann Kamp
Huntsman Cancer Center finds cure for breast cancer
Brian David Mitchell behaves in court
Original Book of Mormon found at Deseret Industries
Kobe Bryant has two scoreless games
Olympics return in 2014
-- Nancy S. Bento
Utah joins civilized world
Wine recognized as food
-- Glen M. Burnham
All U.S. troops home
-- G. Edward Lloyd
New Deseret News editor, Joe Cannon, provides details on brother Chris, Abramoff ties
Supreme Court decides that only civil weddings are legal
Jeffs has revelation: A woman to replace him
-- Paul S. Carpenter
Finealee Edukashun Fundead Fairlee: Tax Exhempshun per child Eliminated
-- Jon Dewey
9 Comments:
The thing that most people fail to realize is that Kirby has Always been serious, but he cloaks it in humor & sarcasm to make the pill a little easier to swallow.
Mormons do not exist
-- Matt Canham
Local ties to dolphin rescued in China
-- Holly Mullen
Rocky is a saint
-- Heather May
Paul Rolly appointed mayor of Cougar Town
-- Curtis Bramble
Six degrees of separation make all stories local
-- Holly Mullen
Mormons have never existed
-- Matt Canham
James Evans is the devil
-- Derek Jensen
Open to George Pyle:
Sadly, you're leaving the Tribune. Another of this city's brightest writers departs, in your case for greener turf, I hope. I've given the Trib some grief over the months of your Cave, but not to you. You've been patient with all of us and have even kept a sense of humor.
I just went to The Buffalo News' website and saw this forecast for this weekend. Not much accumulation of snow. For now! Don't forget your parka and moosehide mukluks!
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Today A mix of light freezing rain...Snow and sleet into mid morning then rain or sleet likely this afternoon. Little or no snow and sleet accumulation. Highs in the mid 30s. Northeast winds 10 mph or less. Chance of precipitation 70 percent.
Tonight Sleet...Snow and freezing rain. Snow and sleet accumulation 1 to 3 inches. Lows around 30. Northeast winds 10 to 15 mph...Becoming east. Chance of precipitation near 100 percent.
Martin Luther Ki Freezing rain...Snow and sleet in the morning...Then snow and sleet in the afternoon. Additional snow and sleet accumulation 2 to 4 inches. Highs in the mid 30s. Northeast winds 10 to 15 mph. Chance of precipitation near 100 percent.
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Good luck, George. You added class to an otherwise dull editorial section. I detected a love of Shakespeare, thoughtfulness, compassion and intelligence.
I wish you well.
Kabuki
Good bye George and all the best to you and your family. It was obvious you were not going to last long in this God forsaken place working for this God awful paper. Sorry about all the crap I and my aliases gave you regarding the cave.
Dear George,
I am sad to hear that you are leaving the Tribune. Our loss is certainly Buffalo's gain. I hope you have a great experience in your home. God bless you!
Sincerely,
Alienated Wannabe
Dear George,
What I meant to say was ". . . I hope you have a great experience in your NEW home. . . ." (Sorry about the typo!)
Sincerely,
Alienated Wannabe
Somebody needs to bury the moldering corpse & get on with it
Man, this site is stale. Just like the entire newspaper. I went through this morning's Tribune online and saw nothing that meant much to me or anyone else, as far as that goes.
A very lazy, unattractive newspaper. What Salt Lake City needs is a newspaper that has no sacred cows, like Singleton and his ilk, and the Deseret News, owned by the Mormon church and edited by an idiot who most recently headed the state's Republican party.
Yuk.
Talk about a hard working, dedicated, well paid ombudsman doing her job with great sweat, anxiety, depth, thoughtfulness, research, and truth-seeking!
The Tribune's "Reader Advocate" today, Saturday February 24, dedicated her entire column to a single letter-writer's opinions with but several innocuous observations that apparently are a defense of the writer's statements and observations.
As you can see, it must have taken the advocate about an hour, including time to sip coffee, to piece together her Saturday offering. Note her detailed responses to his precise comments. No specifics, no dates, times etc., of reporting on national issues.
The same is true of the editorial pages. All local. No guts to comment on the Bush administration's follies. That's outsourced to stringers and commentators published elsewhere to shield the paper's owner, Singleton, a buddy of the idiot president.
What a rag.
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Reader Advocate: A dissatisfied reader wants more 'real news' in the paper
By Connie Coyne
Salt Lake Tribune Reader Advocate
Article Last Updated: 02/24/2007 01:09:20 AM MST
Once in a while, I get correspondence from a Salt Lake Tribune reader that goes beyond a simple complaint or comment requiring a short answer. This e-mail is one of those:
"I get it. I understand that the shooting spree at Trolley Square could be considered to be an 'epic' event in Utah. I understand that multiple unrelated victims were involved, and I understand that many in Utah have a neighborly human interest in keeping abreast of events. That much I get.
"I fail to understand how you believe that this local tragedy rises to such a level for the majority of Tribune readers that it is appropriate to consume 90 percent of the print space of the front page for five consecutive days.
"One likely justification, used in previous situations, is that the Tribune is responding to reader preference for more local content. Well, that is a false premise. The job of a credible newspaper is to provide appropriate news. Using the local content mantra to dumb down the newspaper is a disingenuous response.
"There are other issues of tremendous local interest, import and applicability that have been poorly covered by the Tribune. Here are a few suggestions for real investigative reporting with local interest:
* "Health care and the treatment of the uninsured are a national scandal and a disgrace. Fifteen percent of Utah's population is uninsured. The
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difficulties faced by the uninsured ought to be covered in a way that informs those uninsured, as well as the general public, so they can respond appropriately to the action (or inaction) or our local and national leaders.
* "The war in Iraq. There have been the occasional wire service items, and there have been a few items with the deaths of Utah servicemen and women. Now that Congress is beginning to actually discuss issues that affect the actions of this country, this may be the time to draw the Utah public into the debate. I firmly believe Utahns are not stupid, nor are they hawks or rabid right-wingers. They are however over-worked, over-churched, over-stressed and often under-informed. If they had a newspaper diet high in facts, ideas, fiber and inspiration, they might be more willing to speak up on matters of importance.
* "The national economy. All reporting indicates the economy is like Valentine's Day - all chocolate and flowers. Well, that isn't true. There are some indicators that have been strong - the stock market, GDP, corporate profits, certainly CEO salaries and the rich have done well. Not everyone benefits from the rise of the Dow?
"How many in Utah are better off financially than 6 years ago. Probably not many.
"Finally, please reconsider what you put on the front page day after day. Please stop using local interest as a way to dodge printing real news. Use the same initiative, energy and enthusiasm you used for the Trolley Square tragedy to inform the public about things that are important."
Thank you for taking the time to thoroughly express your opinion. Obviously, you feel too much space was given to covering the Trolley Square tragedy, but you are in the minority on that issue if I take the expressions of other readers into consideration.
You feel we have done a poor job in covering health care, the war in Iraq and the national economy. I would argue against your opinion. Over the past 12 months, we have written numerous stories about the uninsured, the way the war in Iraq effects Utah families and the difference between the national economy and the Utah economy. We have written about the kinds of jobs lost and the kinds of jobs gained.
We do not use "local interest" as an excuse to "dodge printing real news." Local stories are real news and local news has more effect on the lives of Utahns than much of the news taking place in Washington or halfway around the world. Local schools educate local students; local companies employ local residents; local governments enact laws and ordinances as well as impose taxes that have a greater impact on local lives than national laws.
Many people today tell pollsters they get their national and world news from the Internet or TV, but they get their local news from their local newspapers, because they cannot get important local news anywhere else. That puts a big responsibility on the shoulders of journalists at The Tribune, but that responsibility is one we are proud to shoulder.
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* THE READER ADVOCATE'S phone number is 801-257-8782. Write to the Reader Advocate, The Salt Lake Tribune, 90 S. 400 West, Suite 700, Salt Lake City, Utah 84101. reader.advocate@sltrib.com
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