Holladay Democratic Rep. Carol Moss has become the de facto teacher for many of her House colleagues. Not that her lessons sink in.

At the beginning of each House Public Education Committee meeting during the 2006 Legislature, Chairwoman Margaret Dayton asked Moss to find grammar or diction mistakes -- like saying "nukular" for nuclear or "lamblast" for lambaste. "It's not hard to find things at the Legislature," Moss says.

Moss did her best to correct a spelling error in Sen. Parley Hellewell's prayer in schools resolution, SJR9. She quietly told him someone had incorrectly used "roll" for "role." The mistake still hadn't been fixed when the legislation appeared before the House committee. Moss challenged the members -- some of whom are school teachers -- to find the spelling error in one of the bills on the agenda. By the end of the meeting, no one had caught it.

"Everyone had a good laugh," Moss said.

Although he was embarrassed, Hellewell apparently didn't correct the word before the bill passed the Legislature. Now, legislative attorneys will have to fix it before it goes to governor, and then is handed out to 510,000 public-school students.

It's sort of like teaching teen-agers.

-- Rebecca Walsh

You could have knocked us over with a feather, too.

After months of telling us that he was not going to run for Chris Cannon's U.S. House seat, state Sen. Curt Bramble made a shocking announcement this week on the Senate blog site: "I am not going to run for Congress this year."

Being the media, we, of course, started digging into other rumors of positions that Bramble was not going to run for:

Prothonotary in Allegheny County, Pa., is reportedly out. Not that anyone would argue Bramble is more than capable of overseeing notary public signatures.

Botswana Assistant Minister of Education. Moggie Mbaakanyi, you can breath a sigh of relief.

Speaker of Kyrygzstan's Parliment.

Marat Sultanov appears to have it wrapped up. But many observers in Bishkek still think former wrestler Bramble, not Sultanov, is the only man with the "diplomatic tools" to put an end to the bickering
between parliament and President Kurmanbek Bakiyev.

We'll have more on the offices Bramble is not running for as the information becomes available.

-- Glen Warchol

Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. isn't the first Utah politician to use Grateful Dead lyrics to describe the state Legislature. Orrin Hatch also admits to being a fan, but not a "slavish devotee." That is Orrinspeak for Deadhead. Check it out: long strange trip in Utah politics.

During the 45-day legislative session, the Capitol becomes a second home to a small army of lobbyists, lawmakers and members of the media.

To lighten the mood, Linda Hilton of the Utah Coalition of Religious Communities cobbles together a few one liners.

Here are some of the best answers to the question:

You know you have spent too many hours at the Legislature when you ...

Think about spending the night because you have a good parking place

See legislators writing notes to lobbyists

Are happy your bill got pulled because you get to go home early

Even taffy (provided by Utah firefighters) no longer tempts you

Phrases like "If ifs and buts were fruits and nuts we'd all be Whitman samplers" makes sense to you

Know everyone's hiding place and they know yours

-- Matt Canham

They've been told to stop circulating fliers at the Capitol. Some were ushered from a budget hearing after chanting, "dental, dental."

But advocates fighting to restore dental and vision benefits for adults on Medicaid resumed their innovative lobbying tactics Tuesday. A group affiliated with the Disabled Rights Action Committee -- some of them Medicaid recipients with missing and rotting teeth -- distributed mock referral slips to several Republican legislative leaders.

"We are referring dental and vision patients to you. Please check that your home phone numbers are correct.... We hope that with your powerful connections, you will have no trouble finding dentists who will provide these services for free," read the slips.

The handouts didn't sit well with lawmakers. Tuesday night, security staffers initially blocked some of the advocates for more funding from attending a public budget hearing. Security finally relented but only after warning that any disruption would lead to arrest.

But were these and other antics cause for retaliation?

Sen. Curt Bramble denied that legislators are withholding funding as payback. But the Provo Republican admitted that "personally, I don't believe in rewarding protests and confrontation with more money."

-- Kirsten Stewart

Now to our favorite question: Who would win in a street fight between House Speaker Greg Curtis and Senate President John Valentine?

Here's how it turned out:

They circled each other around the Capitol fountain before tangling in front of the West building.

The lean and lanky, smooth and swanky Senate President John Valentine grappled with the bulldog from Sandy, the great scowl on the dais, House Speaker Greg Curtis.

Here's who a few Capitol hangers expected to win:

"Curtis. He looks and acts like a gorilla, I'm sure he fights like
one."

"Valentine. Curtis is too out of shape and is disqualified for
attempting to bite off President Valentine's ear."

"Curtis. Valentine couldn't decide fast enough whether to swing or kick."

"Valentine. He would go longer without blinking."

"Curtis. Valentine would just ask [Sen. Curt] Bramble to fight for him anyway. Automatic disqualification."

"Valentine. Tough to break a guy's back when he doesn't have a spine."

"Curtis. Because he has demonstrated that he has no regard for playing by the rules."

"Curtis. He is smaller but he is like a pit bull who grabs onto you and can't be beaten off with a crowbar!"

"Who cares? The Olympics would get better ratings."

... And the winner is: Speaker Greg Curtis!


-- Matt Canham

The end is here and with it comes a little treat.

Planet Legislature is pleased to present the 2006 edition of the Golden LaVar Awards.

Trib reporters collected more than 40 ballots from readers, legislative staffers, lobbyists, advocates, media and some members of the executive branch.

Without further ado, the results:


Most Fervent Moral Crusader:
Sen. Chris Buttars in a landslide over Rep. LaVar Christensen, mainly for his anti-evolution, anti-gay club bills.

Best Sense of Humor:
Sen. Mike Dmitrich, though Reps. Mike Morley and Brad King got a few votes.

Biggest Bloviator:
Rep. LaVar Christensen, though his recent attempts at brevity have been a BIG improvement.

Best "Recovering" Bloviator:
Sen. Curt Bramble (Did something life-altering happen over the summer?)

Best One-Issue Wonder:
Rep. Glenn Donnelson for his intense focus on anti-illegal
immigration legislation, though Sen. Carlene Walker, the
Legislature's DUI queen was not forgotten.

Legislator in Over His/Her Head:
This wide open field drew 15 separate nominations, but Sen. Parley Hellewell received the most votes. He was followed by Reps. Aaron Tilton and Mark Walker

Most Romantic:
An easy win for Sen. Darin Peterson who choked up while describing his longing for the smell of his wife's hair during a debate over ethics.

Most Conflicted:
Sen. Howard Stephenson, the only sitting lawmaker who also is a registered lobbyist, barely edged out Sen. Al Mansell, the realtor who sponsored developer-written land use bills.

Most Memorable Quote:
Stephenson again, and for this gem (which he lifted from the LDS Church president): "The media has to pursue its prey like a swarm of killer bees, using snide innuendo and invective to attack their prey."

Most Evenhanded Committee Chairmen/women:
Rep. Douglas Aagard, chairman of the House Government Operations Committee

Chairmen/women with Worst Case of Selective Hearing:
Rep. Margaret Dayton blew away the competition by excluding public testimony on the immigrant tuition repeal bill.

Most Likely to be a Member of the Other Party:
Rep. Steve Mascaro beat out second place Rep. Sheryl Allen, though 12 legislators were nominated.

Best Behind-the-Scenes Operator:
Rep. Dave Ure, the parliamentarian.

The coveted "Machiavelli Would be Proud" Award:
Rep. Jeff Alexander, also known as little "Napoleon" on Capitol Hill.

The "Founding Fathers Spinning in Their Graves" Award:
Sen. Howard Stephenson, he weighed in on voting rights, the governor's veto power and the 17th Amendment.

The Most Effective Lobbyist:
With 18 nominations, Alan Dayton from Intermountain Healthcare eked out a victory.

The Most Overrated Lobbyist:
The team of Sue and (former Senate President) Cap Ferry beat out morals maven Gayle Ruzicka.

Yes, the 4th Annual Golden LaVar Awards ballots are in and the winners are clear.

But just to make aspiring "Machiavelli Would Be Proud" and other honorees sweat it out a bit longer, we're holding off announcing them until 11 a.m.

It's just a promotional stunt by a bunch of prey-hunting killer bees trying to hawk a few more newspapers -- or at least get a few more hits on our Web site.

But, hey -- as a bonus -- maybe we can briefly disrupt floor action on the final day of the legislative session.

We consider it public service. After all, 10 minutes of distraction could save the state from one more unnecessary or kooky law.

-- Dan Harrie

Animal rights activists quietly passed out a flier with punch Tuesday.

Adorned with a cartoon of Vice President Dick Cheney holding a smoking gun with a bubble over his head -- "Gosh, I coulda sworn you were a Democrat!" -- the slip of paper takes on Clearfield Rep. Curt Oda's
legislation to lower the age for hunting.

One bill would eliminate the 12 year age limit for hunting small game, essentially allowing parents to decide when their children can tromp through the woods carrying a gun. The other lowers the age for hunting big game like deer and elk from 14 years-old to 12 years-old.

Apparently animal-rights activists decided to give humor a try after watching rallies by gay-straight alliance clubs and low-income protests fail to sway lawmakers.

"They will lead to more hunting accidents, which will give the animals more of a fighting chance!" the flier said. "If the Senate passes these bills this week, it'll put loaded guns in the hands of kids of all ages. If the Vice President of the United States could hospitalize one hunter, imagine how many a 10 year old could take out?

"This message brought to you by 'Quails for Cheney'."

Make sure you wear your day-glo orange next fall. There just might be a 5-year-old with a shotgun behind that bush.

-- Rebecca Walsh

Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. is committed to economic development by making Utah a leader in science and research. He's even asked the Legislature to throw $65 million at university-based research centers. Meanwhile, tourism officials are spending $18 million to project a enchanting image to lure visitors, hopefully ones with really big heads who will stay and invent stuff.

Unfortunately, Utah and its peculiar culture just don't seem to want to cooperate.

Any potential science geek emigrants probably check out Yahoo's online science news where two of the top stories this week were Utah-related. One, of course, was the debate over Sen. Chris Buttars' evolution teaching bill, which certainly made Utah look like a hotbed of brainiacs.

The headline on second science story heard 'round the world probably also won't burnish the state's image: "Cannibalism Rife in Mormon Cricket Swarms"

Did somebody say, "Yuck?"

We'll spare you the disgusting details, except the exciting finale of the SPACE.com story:

Cannibalistic crickets can even be dangerous to humans. Swarms sometimes cross roads, and as these crickets avidly feast on one another, slick driving conditions can develop, experts say.

Hey, maybe you can ski on it?

-- Glen Warchol

In his annual appearance before the Utah Senate last week, Sen. Orrin Hatch lamented that he does not have the warm relationship with Democrats in Washington that Republicans enjoy in the Legislature.

"I wish that we could have the working relationship with the Democrats as you do here. We just have to get together in the best interest of the country," said Orrin. "My admiration for all of you . . . for how you work out all these matters in the best interest of our state."

The GOP senators may have gotten misty eyed, over Orrin's image of harmony, but it's unlikely the Democrats did.

How hard can it be to " work out matters" with your political opposition when you out number them 3-to-1 and control the governor's office, to boot?

--Glen Warchol

Prayers at Utah's Capitol often are milquetoast affairs where lay clergy from the state's dominant religion -- often the lawmakers themselves -- improvise as they go along.

But the daily supplication for guidance gets interesting when the professionals -- Jewish cantors and rabbis, Episcopal priests -- or even perceptive schoolchildren speak to a mostly oblivious audience.

Earlier this session, Rabbi Tracee Rosen, a lesbian, quoted Biblical verses from Leviticus -- not the part that is widely interpreted as a repudiation of gay sex, but the part about extending hospitality to strangers. The Rev. Lee Shaw, from St. Stephen's Episcopal Church in West Valley City, made a reference to "all sexual identities" a few weeks ago.

And Cantor Laurence Loeb, from Congregation Kol Ami, quoted from Ecclesiastes last Friday, noting King Solomon's 3,000-year-old kvetch on business as usual:

"If you see . . . oppression of the poor and suppression of rights and justice, do not wonder at that fact, for one high official is protected by a higher one, and both of them by still higher ones."

Loeb continued to hit close to home reminding lawmakers nothing erodes public confidence "more than the representatives of the people acting primarily in their own best interests, concerned more about re-election, pleasing powerful interests . . . at the cost of their own integrity and the expense of the greater good."

But the most pointed "reverence" of the session came from a Franklin Elementary School teacher. An English-learner class -- where white students were the minority -- read a statement they had written, urging lawmakers to protect Utah's quality of life and respect diversity.

Then teacher Edna Ehlringer noted she and most of her students learned to speak English as a second language. Franklin Elementary is a Title I school in the Salt Lake City School District. Ehlringer left her job as an administrator at Olympus High School to work at the west-Salt Lake school.

"Please take a minute and look amongst yourselves."

Lawmakers paused for a moment and pretended to look at their white colleagues.

"I want you to reach forward," Ehlringer said. "Look at the children in front of you because they are our future. They will take the light. They will be the ones."

Amen.

-- Rebecca Walsh and Glen Warchol

A group of history and constitution students from South Davis Liber Academy, a home school cooperative, were watching the floor debate in the Senate Friday, including an appearance by U. S. Sen. Orrin Hatch.

After the usual lawmaker fawning over Utah's senator-for-life -- including Democrat Ed Mayne's assertion that he and Orrin "go way back" -- the kids were reluctantly discussing what they learned.

Discussion Leader: "So did you find it interesting? What did you see happening?"

Student: "Umm. Politics."

D. L.: "Politics?"

Second Student: "You know, brown nosing."

-- Glen Warchol