Yes, the 4th Annual Golden LaVar Awards ballots are in and the winners are clear.

But just to make aspiring "Machiavelli Would Be Proud" and other honorees sweat it out a bit longer, we're holding off announcing them until 11 a.m.

It's just a promotional stunt by a bunch of prey-hunting killer bees trying to hawk a few more newspapers -- or at least get a few more hits on our Web site.

But, hey -- as a bonus -- maybe we can briefly disrupt floor action on the final day of the legislative session.

We consider it public service. After all, 10 minutes of distraction could save the state from one more unnecessary or kooky law.

-- Dan Harrie

Animal rights activists quietly passed out a flier with punch Tuesday.

Adorned with a cartoon of Vice President Dick Cheney holding a smoking gun with a bubble over his head -- "Gosh, I coulda sworn you were a Democrat!" -- the slip of paper takes on Clearfield Rep. Curt Oda's
legislation to lower the age for hunting.

One bill would eliminate the 12 year age limit for hunting small game, essentially allowing parents to decide when their children can tromp through the woods carrying a gun. The other lowers the age for hunting big game like deer and elk from 14 years-old to 12 years-old.

Apparently animal-rights activists decided to give humor a try after watching rallies by gay-straight alliance clubs and low-income protests fail to sway lawmakers.

"They will lead to more hunting accidents, which will give the animals more of a fighting chance!" the flier said. "If the Senate passes these bills this week, it'll put loaded guns in the hands of kids of all ages. If the Vice President of the United States could hospitalize one hunter, imagine how many a 10 year old could take out?

"This message brought to you by 'Quails for Cheney'."

Make sure you wear your day-glo orange next fall. There just might be a 5-year-old with a shotgun behind that bush.

-- Rebecca Walsh

Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. is committed to economic development by making Utah a leader in science and research. He's even asked the Legislature to throw $65 million at university-based research centers. Meanwhile, tourism officials are spending $18 million to project a enchanting image to lure visitors, hopefully ones with really big heads who will stay and invent stuff.

Unfortunately, Utah and its peculiar culture just don't seem to want to cooperate.

Any potential science geek emigrants probably check out Yahoo's online science news where two of the top stories this week were Utah-related. One, of course, was the debate over Sen. Chris Buttars' evolution teaching bill, which certainly made Utah look like a hotbed of brainiacs.

The headline on second science story heard 'round the world probably also won't burnish the state's image: "Cannibalism Rife in Mormon Cricket Swarms"

Did somebody say, "Yuck?"

We'll spare you the disgusting details, except the exciting finale of the SPACE.com story:

Cannibalistic crickets can even be dangerous to humans. Swarms sometimes cross roads, and as these crickets avidly feast on one another, slick driving conditions can develop, experts say.

Hey, maybe you can ski on it?

-- Glen Warchol

In his annual appearance before the Utah Senate last week, Sen. Orrin Hatch lamented that he does not have the warm relationship with Democrats in Washington that Republicans enjoy in the Legislature.

"I wish that we could have the working relationship with the Democrats as you do here. We just have to get together in the best interest of the country," said Orrin. "My admiration for all of you . . . for how you work out all these matters in the best interest of our state."

The GOP senators may have gotten misty eyed, over Orrin's image of harmony, but it's unlikely the Democrats did.

How hard can it be to " work out matters" with your political opposition when you out number them 3-to-1 and control the governor's office, to boot?

--Glen Warchol

Prayers at Utah's Capitol often are milquetoast affairs where lay clergy from the state's dominant religion -- often the lawmakers themselves -- improvise as they go along.

But the daily supplication for guidance gets interesting when the professionals -- Jewish cantors and rabbis, Episcopal priests -- or even perceptive schoolchildren speak to a mostly oblivious audience.

Earlier this session, Rabbi Tracee Rosen, a lesbian, quoted Biblical verses from Leviticus -- not the part that is widely interpreted as a repudiation of gay sex, but the part about extending hospitality to strangers. The Rev. Lee Shaw, from St. Stephen's Episcopal Church in West Valley City, made a reference to "all sexual identities" a few weeks ago.

And Cantor Laurence Loeb, from Congregation Kol Ami, quoted from Ecclesiastes last Friday, noting King Solomon's 3,000-year-old kvetch on business as usual:

"If you see . . . oppression of the poor and suppression of rights and justice, do not wonder at that fact, for one high official is protected by a higher one, and both of them by still higher ones."

Loeb continued to hit close to home reminding lawmakers nothing erodes public confidence "more than the representatives of the people acting primarily in their own best interests, concerned more about re-election, pleasing powerful interests . . . at the cost of their own integrity and the expense of the greater good."

But the most pointed "reverence" of the session came from a Franklin Elementary School teacher. An English-learner class -- where white students were the minority -- read a statement they had written, urging lawmakers to protect Utah's quality of life and respect diversity.

Then teacher Edna Ehlringer noted she and most of her students learned to speak English as a second language. Franklin Elementary is a Title I school in the Salt Lake City School District. Ehlringer left her job as an administrator at Olympus High School to work at the west-Salt Lake school.

"Please take a minute and look amongst yourselves."

Lawmakers paused for a moment and pretended to look at their white colleagues.

"I want you to reach forward," Ehlringer said. "Look at the children in front of you because they are our future. They will take the light. They will be the ones."

Amen.

-- Rebecca Walsh and Glen Warchol

A group of history and constitution students from South Davis Liber Academy, a home school cooperative, were watching the floor debate in the Senate Friday, including an appearance by U. S. Sen. Orrin Hatch.

After the usual lawmaker fawning over Utah's senator-for-life -- including Democrat Ed Mayne's assertion that he and Orrin "go way back" -- the kids were reluctantly discussing what they learned.

Discussion Leader: "So did you find it interesting? What did you see happening?"

Student: "Umm. Politics."

D. L.: "Politics?"

Second Student: "You know, brown nosing."

-- Glen Warchol

Sen. Mark Madsen began a quest to give Utah's law-abiding citizens the upper hand in potential running gun battles with bad guys.

His effort to reform the law on guns in cars was orchestrated by Gun Owners of Utah, a lobbying group whose die-hard motto is:

"Utah's Uncompromising, Independent Gun Rights Network. No Compromise! No Retreat! No Surrender! Not Now! Not Ever!"

The Madsen/GOUtah's bill aimed to allow motorists to carry their firearms ready to fire with a single squeeze of the trigger.

Unfortunately the democratic process being what it is, the only version of the bill that Madsen could get out of committee was little more than a "clean up" bill, clarifying how a gun can be stored in a car.

Which sounds an awful lot like a compromise. Right now.

"You sometimes have to do what you can do when you can do it," said GOUtah spokesman Charles Hardy.

After being reminded of his web site banner, he added, "There's a difference between a deal with the devil and what we can do today."

--Glen Warchol

"I was right," Sen. Mike Waddoups told a Trib reporter this week. "Those people don't read."

Waddoups was referring, a bit smugly, to a item the Trib had printed about teen street racing. Waddoups had suggested the only way of reaching the racers was through TV because teens don't read newspapers -- don't read at all.

"I haven't heard a word," Waddoups said referring to reaction to the newspaper articles on the problem.

As members of a dying communication form -- the printed word, we're begging you motorheads to tear yourselves away from "American Idol" and write Waddoups.

Preferably snail mail.

-- Glen Warchol

The Salt Lake Tribune is proud to announce nominations for the fourth annual Golden LaVar Awards to honor -- and abuse -- those brave, bodacious bloviators who provide much of the local entertainment through the dreary winter months.

While the LaVars share a name with a certain prominent conservative crusading lawmaker from Draper, they really are not aimed at any particular legislator. No, these sights are trained on all you lawmakers out there.

A somewhat convoluted acronym (coined by a former Trib editor who was anything but simple), the LaVars stand for "Legislative Achievement, Virtuous and Ridiculous."

Unashamedly subjective, the awards give a chance to vent to those poor souls who have to spend six weeks on Planet Legislature, but are not members of that august body with all its inherent (and usurped) powers and perks (free Jazz tickets do not, in fact, fall from heaven.) Among those polled are news reporters, legislative staffers and paid and citizen lobbyists.

This year we expanded the franchise and decided to distribute printed ballots more freely on Capitol Hill and to allow votes from readers of our legislative blog, Planet Legislature. If you'd like to weigh in, just drop us an email at lavarawards@sltrib.com. Please just vote for one person in each category. The deadline is Feb. 28 at 2 p.m.

Does opening up voting heighten the chance of ballot stuffing? Absolutely. Does it diminish the fun? Not a chance.

We've also developed new categories, retaining some of the old favorites, but broadening into some new areas, including ones tailored for the 2006 session. So without further adieu, we've included some initial nominations for you to vote on, just to get the ball rolling, but feel free to add your own nominations.

We'll try and post results on our blog by March 1.

Now, without further ado, the categories are:



Most Fervent Moral Crusader

nominations:
Sen. Chris Buttars (anti-gay club and pro-intelligent design bills)
Rep. LaVar Christensen (anti-gay partner insurance and parental rights)
Rep. Aaron Tilton (anti-gay club)
Other _______________________________

Best Sense of Humor

nominations:
Sen. Mike Waddoups
Sen. Mike Dmitrich
Rep. Jeff Alexander
Other _________________________________

Biggest Bloviator

nominations are open:
________________________________________

Best "Recovering" Bloviator

nominations:
Rep. LaVar Christensen
Sen. Curt Bramble
Other ___________________________________

Best One-Issue Wonders

nominations:
Rep. Glenn Donnelson (anti-illegal immigration)
Sen. Carlene Walker (anti-drunk driving)
Other __________________________________


Legislator in Over His/Her Head

nominations are open:
____________________________________


Most Romantic

nominations:
Sen. Darin Peterson (tearful memories of the smell of his wife's hair)
Sen. Pete Knudson (sneaking off with spouse to "Kinky Shoes" film)
Other __________________________________________


Most Conflicted

nominations:
Sen. Howard Stephenson (only sitting legislator who also is registered lobbyist)
Rep. Aaron Tilton (could anti-environment bills he is sponsoring help his businesses?)
Sen. Al Mansell (developers unite behind this realtor's lobbyist-written land-use bills)
Other ____________________________________________


Most Memorable Quote

nominations:
Sen. Chris Buttars "There are big dogs and little dogs, big cats and little cats, but you haven't seen a 'dat.' "
Sen. Howard Stephenson "The media has to pursue its prey like a swarm of killer bees, using snide innuendo and invective to attack their prey."
Sen. John Valentine Lawmakers don't know better than voters, but "We know more than the voters do."
Sen. Scott McCoy "[Gays and lesbians] are not trying to take over the world. We are not trying to tear down the pillars of morality."
Other __________________________________________________


Most Evenhanded Committee Chairmen/women

nominations are open:
_____________________________________________________

Chairmen/women with Worst Case of Selective Hearing

nominations:
Rep. Margaret Dayton (excluding public testimony on the immigrant tuition repeal bill)
Rep. Wayne Harper (can't spot anti-poverty advocate even when dressed in red)
Other _________________________________________________

Most Likely to be a Member of the Other Party

nominations are open:
_______________________________________________________

Best Behind-the-Scenes Operator

nominations are open:
________________________________________________________

The coveted "Machiavelli Would be Proud" Award

nominations are open:
____________________________________________________


The "Founding Fathers Spinning in Their Graves" Award

nominations are open:
_____________________________________________________


And for our friends/foes among the teeming ranks of professional persuaders:
The Most Effective Lobbyist

nominations are open:
________________________________________________________


The Most Overrated Lobbyist

nominations are open:
__________________________________________________________


Finally, for those who by session's end are already fantasizing about such things: Who would win in a street fight between House Speaker Greg Curtis and Senate President John Valentine?

_______________________________________________________
why? ___________________________________________________

Hyperbole is a mainstay of legislative debate and Sen. Chris Buttars' bill attempting to eliminate gay support clubs in high schools brought out some gems Wednesday.

On the Democratic side was Sen. Gene Davis who said: "It disturbs me deeply that we would throw stones at our fellow men and women at such a time. I can only think about what happened years ago."

He was referring -- ahh, but of course -- to the Holocaust, the murder of millions of Jews, homosexuals, gypsies and others.

"I'm talking about Germany and the other things that happened over there. We know about the Holocaust. That was hatred, and we shouldn't be about hatred."

On the Republican side was Sen. Carlene Walker who said: "I don't feel gay and lesbian people are bad. I have friends who are gay and lesbian." (We hear she also supports the arts.)

But she still voted for the bill and this is why: "I'm voting 'aye' because I believe there are certain clubs that are appropriate and inappropriate."

She then compared the Gay-Straight Alliance to hypothetical clubs promoting the Ku Klux Klan and white supremacists.

-- Matt Canham

Most lawmakers don't like to be bombarded with emails -- unless, of course, they agree with the writers' sentiments.

But when your legislator doesn't, watch out. Some contrarian lawmakers will vote a certain way just to spite you.

That's what Rep. Brad Dee says he will do in response to a barrage of more than 220,000 emails -- most from out of state -- opposing legislation that would change how teachers talk about evolution.

Teri Sandiford, a stay-at-home mom from Wake Forest, North Carolina, wrote urging the Washington Terrace Republican to vote against SB96. "Our children need schools that teach science, not religious ideology, as they prepare for the challenges of a new century," she wrote. "Please uphold scientific integrity in Utah's schools."

Sandiford and other members of DefCon America, a grassroots organization focused on separation of church and state and limiting the power of the religious right, apparently shut down the House of Representatives' computer server with their chain emails.

But Dee, who was tired of getting the copycat letters, picked one and responded: "I will vote for this bill only because of all the mass emails I have received from your group. Thanks for helping me to make my decision."

Consider it playing defense. After getting more than 17,000 emails -- all worded virtually identically -- House computer techs shut down the server Wednesday morning to block the attack. Another 204,000 emails were sent but not forwarded to lawmakers.

Sandiford, upset by Dee's "childish and petulant" response, forwarded the exchange to The Tribune. She was unaware of the problems her email and others caused. "Whether you agree with the letter I wrote or not, I think you can agree that Rep. Dee's response isn't a thoughtful, considered, adult response."

And sending 220,000 emails is?

-- Rebecca Walsh

Celebrity, apparently, has a shelf life in politics.

When former long-time Salt Lake City TV news anchor Phil Riesen announced his candidacy for the state Legislature on Wednesday, the fame he once enjoyed appears to have lost some of its sheen -- at least with some younger folks.

Take, for example, the reaction of Tribune legislative intern Katie Drake.

The 20-something University of Utah student's question: "Did he used to be a reporter before he did the furniture commercials?"

-- Dan Harrie

House Republicans discussing who would own new research buildings planned for the University of Utah and Utah State University, brought up the ownership of the state Capitol as an example.

A staff member explained the state building authority legally owns Utah's statehouse.

That surprised Rep. Stephen Urquhart, R-St. George, who responded by saying: "That's good to know. I thought Senate security owns the building the way I get treated."

Senate security have a reputation for being a little short with the public, press and apparently members of the House who break a whole list of ever-shifting rules.

-- Matt Canham

Sometimes, self-deprecating humor and a slight persecution complex is all a Democratic legislator has.

Senior Price Sen. Mike Dmitrich showed his prowess with both Tuesday when he wore his Senate colleagues down enough to revive and send to the House his legislation exempting temporary private club memberships from sales taxes.

Like any good lawmaker, Dmitrich started with a soaring speech about the power of fiscal notes -- his bill had a hefty estimate of a $600,000 cost to the state, a number based on the unlikely assumption that 11 million temporary memberships would be purchased each year.

Dmitrich said fiscal notes can be used to sink good legislation -- including SB154.

"There are four or five ways to kill a bill, and one trumps them all: that's the fiscal note," he said. "That's another branch of the Legislature."

"I know the fate of this bill. I know this bill ain't gonna pass," Dmitrich added, in typical hangdog fashion. He suggested the fiscal note be cut down to $50,000 and the bill be sent to the "Third Reading Table," a legislative location that doesn't exist.

His colleagues took pity on him, voting for the bill unanimously.

Perhaps they were just tired.

"We've already dealt with this bill in rules," said Taylorsville Republican Sen. Mike Waddoups. "We don't want to deal with it again."

-- Rebecca Walsh

James Evans and Stuart Adams bonded in 2003 over their mutual anger with Salt Lake City Mayor Rocky Anderson.

Three years later, the affection remains. On Monday, Adams, a Republican representative from Layton, sponsored an amendment that gives Evans credit for a bill that could eventually mean the elimination of freight trains off of 900 South in Salt Lake City.

HB372 allows Salt Lake County to divert up to $3.5 million in transit taxes toward re-aligning Union Pacific railroad's so-called Grant Tower -- a curve near The Gateway. That fix, in turn, would lead UP to abandon its line on 900 South.

Adams' amendment calls the money set aside the "Evans Allocation," in honor of the former state senator, and now Salt Lake County Republican Party chairman who may again run for his old seat.

Sen. Fred Fife, a Democrat who now represents the neighborhoods plagued by train whistles and may be challenged by Evans, attended a Monday committee hearing on the legislation. Afterward he said recognizing Evans is warranted, but "others deserve credit as well."

The so-called "Evans Allocation" accounts for 7 percent of the $50 million Grant Tower price tag. Bigger spenders include Union Pacific and Utah Transit Authority ($15 million each) Salt Lake City ($11 million) and the feds ($5 million).

--Heather May

Draper Republican Rep. LaVar Christensen hasn't entered a legislative debate yet where his favorite court case won't fit.

"The Lofton Case," as he calls it, works equally well in legislative debates about abortion, child welfare bills or his own legislation that would nullify gay couples' custody agreements.

A little background: Steven Lofton, a foster parent and pediatric nurse who also happens to be gay, tried unsuccessfully to adopt one of eight HIV-positive foster children he has cared for.

While the case only seems to be topical in discussions about gay rights, Christensen pulls it out as an all-purpose repudiation of that oft-mentioned legislative straw man -- "judicial activism."

Invariably, he reads this quote from the appeals court: "The legislature is the proper forum for this debate, and we do not sit as a super-legislature to award by judicial decree what was not achievable by political consensus."

The good news is that unlike Christensen's oratorical flights of fancy in past years, the recitation is always brief.
-- Rebecca Walsh

Parliamentary procedure is meant to keep the lawmaking process civil and orderly. In the right hands, it is also a good way to screw the opposition.

Energetic, zealous -- did someone say underhanded? -- Sen. Mark Madsen almost pulled a fast one last week on his guns-in-cars bill.

A majority of the Law Enforcement Committee opposed the controversial bill. But when the committee met again, several members were delayed.

Madsen, however, made sure his supporters would all be prompt, including, Sen. Chris Buttars who has been ill most of the session.

With just enough members to convene the meeting, Madsen introduced his gun bill and, viola!, it passed.

All's fair in love and war -- and it seems, "Roberts Rules of Order."

Unfortunately, a few minutes later the opposition arrived. Sen. Patrice Arent, advised by Sen. Mike Dmitrich on parliamentary procedure, was able to bring the gun bill up for reconsideration.

Wham! It was tossed into rules limbo where it will need a two-thirds majority to be resurrected.

"You live by the rules, you die by the rules," Madsen said later. "It was worth a try."

Dmitrich, battle-scarred veteran of many a committee battle, offered the young Republican a tip:

"Next time, after you do that, adjourn the meeting so we can't bring it back up."

-- Glen Warchol

After a debate on regulating firearms in cars, Sen. Mike Dmitrich was showing off his own self-defense strategy.

"I got a concealed-carry permit, but I don't carry a gun," Dmitrich explained, pulling out the state-issued identification card.

"Look at that picture," he said.

We should point out that the Price senator on a good day would never be mistaken for Brad Pitt.

But his concealed-carry photo was downright terrifying. Imagine a bi-polar Mafia don, suffering from bad acid reflux.

"If somebody gives me trouble, Dmitich said, I just show them that picture and say, 'Don't messa wit me!' "

--Glen Warchol

Rep. Stephen Clark was well on his way to convincing his colleagues that Utah desperately needs better restaurant inspections.

It seems that in the not-too-distant past, Clark got a nasty dose of what he quaintly calls, "Montezuma's Revenge."

One of the reasons better inspections are needed, the Provo Republican said, is a recent explosion of new restaurants in the state -- particularly ethnic restaurants.

Rep. Ross Romero, a Latino, stood for a last question before the vote. "Is this bill for inspecting restaurants, or just ethnic restaurants?" Romero asked, pointedly.

It wasn't lost on Clark.

"All restaurants!" he said.

"I was not trying to denigrate ethnic restaurants. We are seeing a lot of them and they are wonderful... These are people coming from their native lands and producing this food and it's wonderful."

The measure passed with a rap of the gavel, that happened to be in the hand of Rep. Duane Bourdeaux, who was serving as the House's first African American Speaker Pro Tempore.

-- Glen Warchol

Ask Sen. Mark Madsen why he wants to limit public access to government inspection reports and the discussion inevitably turns to Windex.

Same goes for Paul Mero of the Sutherland Institute, which is backing Madsen's SB77.

Ditto for Melva Sine of the Utah Restaurant Association.

The oft-told story goes like this: A health inspector finds a bottle of Windex in a restaurant kitchen and notes the violation on his report as a "hazardous substance" in the food prep area. The news media doesn't provide the proper context for the violation and customers come away thinking the restaurant stores rat poison near the cutting board.

According to the Material Safety Data Sheet on Windex, the cleaner contains three toxic chemicals: butoxyethanol, ethylene glycol hexyl ether and isophropyl alcohol. It doesn't pose an imminent health risk but can be hazardous if spilled in food or mixed with other chemicals like chlorine, a common disinfectant.

Tribune researcher Ana Daraban searched for any and all news articles from the past five years containing the words "Windex, restaurants, inspection and hazardous." She found a handful of reports of Nevada and Florida restaurants being written up for storing Windex near food, countertops and clean dishes, as well as a few instances of eateries using the ammonia-based substance as a disinfectant.

There weren't any accounts of Windex poisoning people or rodents, but Daraban did turn up this noteworthy item from the Los Angeles Times. In a 1994 story about a California ant invasion, entomologists and health officials said the clear blue glass cleaner is, I kid you not, an effective pesticide.

Said Bryce Larsen, director of the Salt Lake Valley Health Department's Food Safety Bureau: "Are there chemicals more dangerous than Windex? Clearly. But Windex is still something you don't want to be ingesting."

-- Linda Fantin

That explains it.

After lengthy debate on a bill to require the removal of mercury switches from automobiles, sponsoring Rep. Ronda Menlove, stood for one last comment to her colleagues:

"Since I introduced this bill, a lot of people have told me they have played with mercury. I just want to say it's not a good idea to play with mercury."

-- Glen Warchol

There's a reason lawmakers don't like to release their email correspondence with constituents: Some of it doesn't reflect very well on them. Especially when it's written by a hotheaded intern.

Santa Clara Republican Rep. David Clark has gotten a lot of "hate mail" because of his initiative last year to cut off a program that allowed state workers to trade unused sick leave for post-retirement medical benefits. Employees have sued and the Utah Supreme Court is expected to release a ruling in the case Thursday.

Clark still isn't in employees' good graces. His sponsorship of legislation creating a trust fund where lawmakers planned to stash about $20 million -- some of it that might be diverted away from employees' proposed raises -- in case the lawsuit doesn't go their way generated more pointed correspondence.

Lynne Torgersen, a state employee from Monroe, fired off this email:

"Shame on you Dave Clark for threatening state employees again ... this time with denying us raises! You are an independently wealthy businessman who doesn't rely on the whims of the State Legislature to see if you get a raise each year. I wonder how things would work for you if State Employees were able to vote your raises and your benefit package. I bet you people there in the legislature would be more inclined to treat state employees as assets, not liabilities."

Clark's intern, his son Chayce, replied:

"What threat?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? I do not know what or where you are getting your info?????????????????????? It certainly NEVER came from my mouth. So [I] only can assume you got it around "water cooler" talk and you [know] what happens when you assume! For some one who starts their email out "Shame on you"..........I return the favor..SHAME ON YOU!!!"

Without realizing she was corresponding with Clark's intern, Torgersen responded:

"Very professional response Representative Clark. First off, I want to know if I am actually 'conversing' with Representative Clark, or is this being handled by an office staff? Your use of slang, innuendoes, incorrect grammar and spelling errors raises flags for me!"

Clark took over and apologized for the "tone" his intern set:

"I will personally handle our correspondence from here on out. I think the best course that we can take is if you email me a list of specific questions that I can answer and we will leave the mean-spirited remarks from you and my intern out of our conversation. We obviously have different philosophies that will probably never allow us to see eye to eye, but I feel that we can discuss some of them and maybe find some resolution. I hope that you are willing to try this. Thank you for your time and effort."

Then, he proceeded to correct her spelling. (We've corrected both correspondents' in this blog.)

-- Rebecca Walsh

Senate leaders went out of their way Tuesday to show how accessible lawmakers are.

They provided a one page flier full of fun stats. Such as:

-- More than 96 percent of lawmakers provide their home phone number, legislative staff numbers, legislative email addresses and either a business or home address.

-- 62 lawmakers provide a business number.

-- 45 legislators release their fax number

-- 11 even give their cell numbers

And one really dedicated member of the House even lists his ranch phone number.

Why the show of openness?

Because The Tribune wants the numbers they refuse to release -- their BlackBerry numbers. You know, the ones the public is paying $250,000 a year for.

Legislators rushed to change the law to keep their BlackBerry numbers secret, though a few have voluntarily released them.

Those lawmakers include Senate President John Valentine, most House Democrats and Rep. Ben Ferry -- the lawmaker who sponsored the bill to block public access to the BlackBerry numbers.

-- Matt Canham

To break the tension produced in their always intense, sometimes even meaningful, debates, legislators often feel the need to make a joke. All too often, unfortunately, those off-the-cuff drolleries bomb.

Rep. Jeff Alexander recently cracked wise at the end of a morning session and managed to not only breach the envelope of good taste on two levels -- but he rubbed salt in the political wounds of a fellow lawmaker to boot.

Apropos of nothing, Alexander asked the House, "Under Rep. Wyatt's bill, If the vice president was in Utah and if he had shot his dog and not his friend . . ." But then a a grinning Alexander interrupted himself, "Well, forget it."

The House initially gutted Rep. Scott Wyatt's bill to make animal torture a felony offense (supported by Humane Society billboards: "Ted Bundy started by torturing animals."). Members then thought better of the changes, and passed the bill in its original form.

If only bad jokes were as easily recalled and dispatched with.

-- Glen Warchol

Murray Democratic Sen. Patrice Arent had more than a little fun when presenting her antiphishing bill to her fellow senators Monday.

The bill increases the penalty for those who obtain financial information from people by setting up fake Web sites -- a practice known as "phishing."

Arent ended her presentation this way: "We want to catch the bad guys and make sure they are not released. We don't want them to net a lot of money. This is a reel problem. We hope others aren't lured into this. This legislation is bringing in the scales of justice. I hope this bill isn't gutted by the Senate. We would like to fillet the opposition. I'm now trolling for votes."

Provo Republican Sen. Curt Bramble, not to be outdone, countered by saying: "Are we supposed to swallow this hook, line and sinker?"

The lines were hauling in mostly groans, along with a few mercy laughs.

-- Matt Canham

West Valley City Democrat Sen. Ed Mayne is not a fan of privately constructed toll roads, especially since the first one would most likely run through his legislative district. And he became a little feisty during Monday's debate.

Mayne suggested China build the Mountain View Corridor, a 35 mile stretch someone near 5600 West in Salt Lake County, since the Chinese are supporting much of the national debt. He also suggested Wal-Mart and even Enron as possible road builders.

"I would really trust that as far as investing and getting back their money from us," he joked.

Provo Sen. Curt Bramble was next up, but was caught with some food in his mouth when Mayne abruptly finished his long speech.

"I had to wait so long I had to finish this egg before I could speak," Bramble joked.

Mayne responded: "Choke on it."

-- Matt Canham

Most Utahns can relate. You're cruising down the highway at 65 mph (OK, 80 mph), and you cross the city limits of Wellington.

Instantly the speed limit drops precipitously and, Hello!, there's the local cop in the rearview.

Counties and towns make millions through these speed traps on Utah's highways and the ones in Lehi, Beaver County and Wellington are notorious.

Sen. Bill Hickman's SB54 would allow them to continue the practice -- but the locals would no longer keep all the money. It's kind of like allowing Jesse James to rob trains as long as half the money goes to the state.

"It removes the financial incentive," says Senate President John Valentine.

And how.

Locals, of course, are fighting to kill the bill.

The SB54 debate was sleepily see-sawing in the Senate with no end in sight when Sen. Mike Dmitrich lost patience. The Price Democrat, who has been in the Senate as long as the coal seams have been under his district, you might say, put the pedal to the metal and brought it to a vote.

"If you get a ticket in Beaver County, then you deserve it," he said, not even bothering to stand up. "We all know that guy's there. You deserve it. It's like Wellington in my district."

Mike then voted for the bill, which passed in a close vote.

--Glen Warchol

Sen. Curt Bramble was introducing the bill closest to his heart, SB196 -- a fundamental restructuring of redevelopment law.

When Bramble, chairman of the Revenue and Taxation Committee, pointedly asked a State School Board representative if the education community was satisfied with the measure,the bureaucrat decided to try for an 11th-hour revision of the bill, something minor that already had been rejected twice in negotiations.

After two year's consensus building that involved actually being diplomatic that was not what Bramble wanted to hear.

The senator is well known for his "intensity." Countless citizens, Democrats, reporters and even Republican colleagues have had their shortcomings publicly dissected by "Brambo." And that's the happy Mother Teresa Curt.

This was a very unhappy Bramble. He didn't move. He didn't blink. It was like looking at Mount St. Helens on a sunny day --- only no birds are singing and there's a wisp of steam coming out the top.

"I'm pulling this bill," Bramble said, staring a hole through the bureaucrat. "We will bring it back when public education is ready to take a position."

Sen. Greg Bell knew something real bad was happening, "Uh, I don't have a program here . . ."

Finally, the bureaucrat got it too. He immediately got on the cell to the powers in the State School Board.

Reports that education officials later prostrated themselves before the chairman are not true. At the end of the meeting, however, the miserable bureaucrat assured Bramble that state education administrators were delighted with the measure and State School Board members would be contacted at home over the weekend and would voice support of the bill.

Then a parade of assorted education and local government representatives expressed how sublime they found Bramble's redevelopment proposal.

Only then did the Provo Senator allow SB196 to pass -- unanimously.

--Glen Warchol

Applying Machiavelli's theory of politics, Utah Republican lawmakers figure the public is happy with the way they drew congressional and legislative boundaries five years ago.

That's based on the fact that the GOP still holds a 3-to-1 majority. Ergo, the public must like how conservative lawmakers gerrymandered their way into a more secure supermajority on Capitol Hill.

"Were there any lawsuits filed?," Lewiston Republican Rep. Craig Buttars asked during debate Monday of a redistricting reform bill sponsored by Rep. Roz McGee, D-Salt Lake City.

"Is there a problem in our state currently with the way that we're redistricting?" Draper Republican Rep. Greg Hughes chimed in, before Republicans killed the reform plan.

How easy it is to forget.

Five years ago, conservative lawmakers did their best to eliminate Democratic and moderate Republican lawmakers from the body, redrawing two Senate and two House districts to force minority lawmakers out. In their contortions, lawmakers even split a condominium complex in half. And their efforts to draw Democrats out of Utah's 2nd Congressional District drew jeers from the Wall Street Journal.

With tacit approval from Senate Democratic leadership, redrawn districts managed to force Democratic Sens. Ron Allen and Millie Peterson into a face-off. Peterson lost that battle. And Patrice Arent left the House, rather than challenge Holladay Democratic Rep. Pat Jones for her seat. In an unintended consequence, Arent defeated Holladay Republican Sen. Steve Poulton. (In a bit of brilliance, Senate Republicans irritated with Poulton decided to take their chances on that one.)

The spoils go to the victor, according to Hughes: "That is the ebb and flow of what we enjoy in a Democratic process."

That "we" would be Republicans.
--Rebecca Walsh

Nephi Republican Sen. Darin Peterson had to think quickly to defend himself against fellow Republicans Friday.

A member of the Senate Agriculture, Environmental and Natural Resources Committee, he fidgeted and rolled his eyes throughout the committee discussion of a rural roads bill.

Turns out, there was a good reason. In the front row, lobbyist Fred Finlinson and GOP Rep. Dave Ure sat giggling and playing with a laser pointer.

Luckily for Peterson, his official committee binder effectively doubled as a shield against the red laser criss-crossing his face.

-- Judy Fahys

Known as one of the old-school Democrats on Capitol Hill -- i.e. one who has learned to work with the Republican majority to get what he needs -- Sen. Mike Dmitrich showed how it's done Friday.

During debate of a law that would require a parent's consent before a teen can have an abortion, Dmitrich said he didn't like the bill. It probably would end up in court anyway. But he said he would vote for it, nevertheless. It's a matter of simple politics, he said.

To be fair, many Democratic Utah lawmakers have voted for Utah's abortion bills -- whether for their consciences or political expediency. But Dmitrich laid bare his reasoning Friday.

"I've been here a long time and I've seen these abortion bills come every election cycle. And I've voted against every one," Dmitrich said. "I don't believe we're a radical state on abortion. I don't believe in abortion. I don't know anyone in rural Utah who's had an abortion.

"I'm probably going to vote for this thing -- and I'm not going to feel good about it," he said. "It's going to end up in court. We've lost a lot of money on these court battles. We haven't had a good track record.

"But if there's one thing that hurts Democrats in Utah, it's voting against abortion bills."

--Rebecca Walsh

Semantics are often dismissed as just hot air. But what is legislation besides words -- and lots of 'em?

Not surprisingly, a bill to compile a list of all tax breaks given to businesses and individuals nearly fell on a choice of a word.

Sen. McCoy called SB208, "Tax Expenditure Budget." McCoy figured revenue lost as a result of a tax break could be seen as a government "expenditure." (It's up to you to ask questions like, who really gets government "welfare?")

Senate Revenue and Taxation members said they liked the bill's concept, but were put off by what they saw as negative and misleading terminology.

"I want to avoid the pejorative," said Sen. Greg Bell. "Present it in neutral terms."

McCoy, a rookie lawmaker, quickly got religion. "We can call it 'bananas' if you want," he told the committee.

After the meeting McCoy discussed finding a better word for tax breaks than "bananas."

Sarah Willhelm, an analyst for Voices for Utah Children, had an idea: "How about 'bonanza.'"

-- Glen Warchol

If health insurance were cars, Utah women would be driving Geo Metros.

And that's OK with Senate President John Valentine.

Citing concern about mandating medical coverage of certain illnesses, Valentine noted during debate of the "Pill Bill" that he opposed requiring insurance companies to cover diabetes and blood products. Not everyone gets the luxury insurance plan, he said.

We're sure that attitude has nothing to do with the bargain-basement priced state health care, often called the "Cadillac" of insurance plans, available to Utah's part-time lawmakers.

"Whenever we say that a plan has to have certain coverage, it's like saying we're only going to sell Cadillac Escalades. Or, we're not going to have any Ford Tauruses," Valentine said. Contraceptive coverage "is available on the market if you choose to pay for it. There ain't no free lunch."

But we thought this debate was about reproductive health.
-- Rebecca Walsh

A cadre of 25 Hunter High students packed one side of a Senate committee room Wednesday morning, geared up to battle legislation that would kill their gay support clubs.

But Sen. Chris Buttars' continued illness meant they skipped class in vain. (Don't worry, they had parental permission slips.)

The students didn't just bail though. They lobbied and lobbied aggressively. They cornered any lawmaker they could find and peppered them with their views on Gay-Straight Aliances. At one point, West Valley City Republican Rep. Ron Bigelow was surrounded by students.

Sam Verde said she feels the bill "restricts our freedom of speech" since it would ban any club where students identified their sexual orientation.

"We are a support group, not a sex group," she said.

The students plan to keep at it, returning whenever Buttars is healthy enough to present his proposal.

--Matt Canham

Sometimes, Republican lawmakers aren't as powerful as they think they are. Or maybe, it's just that the Democrats show up.

A meeting of the Senate Judiciary Committee Wednesday was shut down when Republican Sen. Mark Madsen left the room. Already short two other Republican senators, the committee lost its quorum, the minimum number required to have a meeting. Republican Sens. Greg Bell and Dave Thomas and Democratic Sens. Patrice Arent and Mike Dmitrich scrambled.

The room was full of people waiting to testify about a bill requiring parental consent bill for abortions, funding for inmate drug treatment and a resolution supporting Utah Highway Patrol memorial crosses.

At first, Dmitrich questioned whether Buttars should be counted to determine the quorum, since he is ill.

"Unfortunately, we have people waiting and we don't have a quorum," Dmitrich said.

But rules would not allow any fudging. So Arent and a trio of interns went searching for Republican Sens. Al Mansell or Lyle Hillyard or Madsen.

They returned empty-handed.

Someone made a motion to adjourn. Thomas wondered if the committee could even do that without a quorum. Bell said they could.

Finally, Bell suggested changing the rules on the Senate floor Thursday to lower the number legally required for a committee
meeting.

"It's too important. With Sen. Buttars ailing, we've got to do something," Bell said.

How about attending your meetings?

|--Rebecca Walsh

Insurance lobbyist Kelly Atkinson had a satisfying day Wednesday on Capitol Hill.

He managed to throw out enough negative buzzwords -- mandate and unfair competition were two -- to sink the so-called "Pill Bill" for the eighth year in a row. The bill would require health insurance companies to provide coverage for contraceptives.

A few weeks ago, when he was headed to another hearing on the bill that was cancelled, Atkinson told a conservative Utah County woman lawmaker:

"I'm going to go kill the pill bill for the 20th time. The bill that will never die."

Ah, life in the diamond mine.
-- Rebecca Walsh

It was a scene from "CSI, Capitol" this week when a lawmaker's statement was tested -- and found positive -- for baloney.

Sen. Mark Madsen was arguing that providing proof of citizenship under his SB200 would not be an onerous hurdle disenfranchising wannabe voters.

Madsen pointed out that many people carry cell phone/digital cameras with which they could painlessly photograph identification documents to provide proof of citizenship to election officials.

"This doesn't create the kind of burden you speculate," Madsen said.

One of those election officials, Rozan Mitchell, Salt Lake County assistant elections manager, was in the audience. And she happened to have a digital phone/camera.

In the blink of a electronic flash, Mitchell had the evidence.

She displayed the fuzzy photograph of a document to the Government Operations Committee.

"We couldn't accept that because it wouldn't be legible."
--Glen Warchol

Go ahead and beat your dog and kill that yowling cat -- lawmakers have your back.

House members Tuesday amended HB61, stripping out sections that would have raised the penalty from a Class A misdemeanor to a third degree felony.

Logan Republican Rep. Scott Wyatt's bill apparently was an invitation for apocryphal stories and folksy opinions Tuesday.

Rep. Margaret Dayton, R-Orem, was "aghast" when she said she watched a limping calf carried out of a rodeo on a stretcher. Dairy farmer Kerry Gibson, an Ogden Republican, said no behavior with animals should be a felony. And Orem Republican Rep. Lorie Fowlke, apropos of nothing, warned of prison overcrowding when all those animal torturers are prosecuted.

"It will cost you more agents, more beds and more cars," Fowlke said. "Pretty soon, we're going to have to create superfelonies."

Wyatt, a Logan Republican, noted 41 other states have similar laws and every Western state, except Utah and Idaho, classifies animal torture as a felony. Even he hinged on hyperbole to reassure them.

"This bill doesn't affect trapping rights. You can rat poison your rats. You can poison your mice. You have a legal privilege to kill your own animal in a manner you choose, even if it's less artful than the way someone else might. You just can't hang them up, cut them open, do satanic things on them," he said.

Actually, never mind. You can do that. It's only a misdemeanor, after all.
--Rebecca Walsh

In the hubbub of the legislative session you grab a bite to eat when you can, slip into the rest room when possible and -- apparently -- grab a few winks when the time is right.

That time on Tuesday was about 1:20 p.m.

In the House Democratic Caucus, Minority Leader Ralph Becker nodded off in the middle of a demographic presentation from the Office of Legislative Research and General Counsel.

At the same time, the House Republican Caucus was meeting just across the hall. That's where Speaker Greg Cu