Oscar Night, minute-by-minute
My running commentary on Sunday night's Oscar ceremony (all times Mountain time):
6:00 p.m. -- Nice intro. It's fun to pick out the famous faces. And fast, too. Does this mean we’re going to get home on time? Not likely, but there’s always hope.
6:02 p.m. -- Get the emcee issue, the Billy Crystal joke and the first "Brokeback Mountain" joke all out of the way at once.
6:08 p.m. -- I think Jon Stewart's funny, even if the audience in the Kodak doesn’t.
6:10 p.m. -- OK, there's the Dick Cheney hunting joke.
6:13 p.m. -- "Brokeback Mountain" as "the elephant in the room"?
6:16 p.m. -- Why is Nicole Kidman presenting Supporting Actor? Where's Cate Blanchett, last year's supporting-actress winner? (On the other hand, Nicole handing off to George Clooney means a reunion of "The Peacemaker.")
6:19 p.m. -- Clooney wins. "All right, so I'm not winning director." Funny and self-deprecating, but also socially responsible. And sexy as hell. I’m so jealous.
6:26 p.m. -- Green suit for Ben Stiller. A funny joke, for a few seconds.
6:28 p.m. -- OK, Ben, now you're milking it.
6:29 p.m. -- The "Kong" visual effects crew gives a shout-out to Andy Serkis. Too bad he wasn't a supporting-actor nominee.
6:31 p.m. -- Animated feature - the only category my kids are the slightest bit interested in.
6:33 p.m. -- Yay, "Wallace and Gromit." Love the bowties. My wife's comment: "They're so cute and British." But why couldn't the cameraman get a decent close-up of Peter Sallis, the voice of Wallace?
6:35 p.m. -- Dolly Parton sings. I'm not sure, but I think the song's about traveling. (Or "travelin' ".)
6:38 p.m. -- The first Best Picture clip, without a presenter to introduce it or anything. Maybe we will get out on time tonight.
6:42 p.m. -- The Wilson brothers come out. "They're taking a long time to come out," my wife says. I respond that it's in keeping with the "Brokeback Mountain" theme.
6:50 p.m. -- "Memoirs of a Geisha" for best costume. No surprise there.
6:53 p.m. -- Here's a meaningless montage, of biopics. So much for getting out on time.
6:57 p.m. -- Steve Carell and Will Ferrell, yukking it up in bad makeup. It's the makeup category, get it?
7:01 p.m. -- The scientific and technical awards montage - or, as the Hollywood tech geeks know it, the one night a year they get to see a girl. (In this case, Rachel McAdams.)
7:03 p.m. -- Morgan Freeman slips on the teleprompter. It's OK - he's Morgan Freeman, he can do what he wants.
7:06 p.m. -- Rachel Weisz, nicely humble. (Another reunion - Freeman and Weisz co-starred with Keanu Reeves in "Chain Reaction.")
7:08 p.m. -- Of all the possible clips to show from "Good Night, and Good Luck," why show the one that is a direct re-creation of the original "See It Now" newscast?
7:12 p.m. -- The teleprompter leaves poor Lauren Bacall hanging during her intro of film noir classics.
7:17 p.m. -- Jon Stewart gets as close as he can to "The Daily Show" with spoofy campaign-style attack ads (even getting Stephen Colbert to narrate a few).
7:20 p.m. -- The documentary awards come and go quickly. No surprise that the penguins take the big prize.
7:21 p.m. -- Fer cute, the "March of the Penguins" team brought the penguins along with them, and they already had their tuxes.
7:23 p.m. -- Jennifer Lopez introduces Kathleen "Bird" York to sing the nominated song from "Crash." Thank heaven J-Lo's not singing herself.
7:25 p.m. -- And this year's winner for most overproduced production number goes to: The burning car for the "Crash" song.
7:32 p.m. -- Art direction, to "Memoirs of a Geisha." Again, no surprise.
7:36 p.m. -- Another montage, about social themes in movies, to remind the audience that the five Best Picture nominees are part of a long tradition - important movies that didn't make a lot of money.
7:41 p.m. -- Academy president Sid Ganis talking about the glories of moviemaking, and the importance of ... zzzzzzz. Sorry, nodded off there. Something about how going to see "Big Momma’s House 2" is better in a theater than on DVD.
7:44 p.m. -- Salma Hayek's left boob is getting crushed by that dress. She keeps having to adjust herself. This as close to a wardrobe malfunction as we’ll see all night.
7:45 p.m. -- Violinist Itzhak Perlman plays the movie themes, as only he can. Sounds like a K-Tel record ad. Besides, the "Brokeback Mountain" theme sounds better on a guitar.
7:49 p.m. -- "Brokeback Mountain" wins its first Oscar, for Gustavo Santoalalla's score.
7:56 p.m. -- Jake Gyllenhaal introduces another montage, this one about epics. This has absolutely nothing to do with five Best Picture nominees, all of them small and intimate films.
8:01 p.m. -- Imagine being Eric Bana. You're the star of a Best Picture nominee, yet your recognition level is so low you're co-presenting sound mixing with that Barbie doll from "Fantastic Four." Hollywood's a tough business.
8:02 p.m. -- Peter Jackson's crew again takes home a tech Oscar.
8:04 p.m. -- Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep, in paying tribute to Robert Altman, turn typical teleprompter babble into a brilliant piece of semi-improvised insight with overlapping dialogue and neatly unearthed truths. In short, a mini Altman movie. This is the funniest moment of the evening.
8:18 p.m. -- Late returns are in, and the winner for overproduced production number goes instead to the "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" performance from "Hustle & Flow." But listen to Taraji P. Henson belt out the final line.
8:24 p.m. -- Holy mother of pearl! The rappers from "Hustle & Flow" win the Oscar! Hip-hop in the house! This is like the Grammys: You perform your song, you win the award. And the rappers test ABC's seven-second delay.
8:29 p.m. -- Two and a half hours in and we’re only at sound editing? Let's get moving, people!
8:30 p.m. -- Clooney's back, to introduce the "In Memoriam" montage. Biggest applause: Anne Bancroft, Shelley Winters, Richard Pryor.
8:38 p.m. -- "Tsotsi," from South Africa, wins Foreign-Language Film. And that guy knows how to keep an acceptance speech short.
8:42 p.m. -- "Crash" wins for editing, its first of the night.
8:47 p.m. -- Philip Seymour Hoffman wins Best Actor for "Capote." Hoffman gives the biggest shout-out to his mother. What a guy!
8:56 p.m. -- Surprise! "Memoirs of a Geisha" wins cinematography. Maybe a "Brokeback" victory isn't in the bag.
9:00 p.m. -- Reese Witherspoon wins. Has anyone ever won cuter?
9:11 p.m. -- "Brokeback" wins for adapted screenplay. Larry McMurtry thanks everybody, up to and including his lawyers.
9:14 p.m. -- "Crash" wins for original screenplay. Paul Haggis quotes Bertolt Brecht.
9:20 p.m. -- Ang Lee wins best director for "Brokeback Mountain." Touching and sincere.
9:22 p.m. -- Jack Nicholson presents the top award - how cool is that?
9:23 p.m. -- What?!? "Crash" wins Best Picture? So much for Oscar making history with "Brokeback Mountain." Producer Cathy Schulman talks so much she gets played off the stage.
9:29 p.m. -- Good night, everybody.
6:00 p.m. -- Nice intro. It's fun to pick out the famous faces. And fast, too. Does this mean we’re going to get home on time? Not likely, but there’s always hope.
6:02 p.m. -- Get the emcee issue, the Billy Crystal joke and the first "Brokeback Mountain" joke all out of the way at once.
6:08 p.m. -- I think Jon Stewart's funny, even if the audience in the Kodak doesn’t.
6:10 p.m. -- OK, there's the Dick Cheney hunting joke.
6:13 p.m. -- "Brokeback Mountain" as "the elephant in the room"?
6:16 p.m. -- Why is Nicole Kidman presenting Supporting Actor? Where's Cate Blanchett, last year's supporting-actress winner? (On the other hand, Nicole handing off to George Clooney means a reunion of "The Peacemaker.")
6:19 p.m. -- Clooney wins. "All right, so I'm not winning director." Funny and self-deprecating, but also socially responsible. And sexy as hell. I’m so jealous.
6:26 p.m. -- Green suit for Ben Stiller. A funny joke, for a few seconds.
6:28 p.m. -- OK, Ben, now you're milking it.
6:29 p.m. -- The "Kong" visual effects crew gives a shout-out to Andy Serkis. Too bad he wasn't a supporting-actor nominee.
6:31 p.m. -- Animated feature - the only category my kids are the slightest bit interested in.
6:33 p.m. -- Yay, "Wallace and Gromit." Love the bowties. My wife's comment: "They're so cute and British." But why couldn't the cameraman get a decent close-up of Peter Sallis, the voice of Wallace?
6:35 p.m. -- Dolly Parton sings. I'm not sure, but I think the song's about traveling. (Or "travelin' ".)
6:38 p.m. -- The first Best Picture clip, without a presenter to introduce it or anything. Maybe we will get out on time tonight.
6:42 p.m. -- The Wilson brothers come out. "They're taking a long time to come out," my wife says. I respond that it's in keeping with the "Brokeback Mountain" theme.
6:50 p.m. -- "Memoirs of a Geisha" for best costume. No surprise there.
6:53 p.m. -- Here's a meaningless montage, of biopics. So much for getting out on time.
6:57 p.m. -- Steve Carell and Will Ferrell, yukking it up in bad makeup. It's the makeup category, get it?
7:01 p.m. -- The scientific and technical awards montage - or, as the Hollywood tech geeks know it, the one night a year they get to see a girl. (In this case, Rachel McAdams.)
7:03 p.m. -- Morgan Freeman slips on the teleprompter. It's OK - he's Morgan Freeman, he can do what he wants.
7:06 p.m. -- Rachel Weisz, nicely humble. (Another reunion - Freeman and Weisz co-starred with Keanu Reeves in "Chain Reaction.")
7:08 p.m. -- Of all the possible clips to show from "Good Night, and Good Luck," why show the one that is a direct re-creation of the original "See It Now" newscast?
7:12 p.m. -- The teleprompter leaves poor Lauren Bacall hanging during her intro of film noir classics.
7:17 p.m. -- Jon Stewart gets as close as he can to "The Daily Show" with spoofy campaign-style attack ads (even getting Stephen Colbert to narrate a few).
7:20 p.m. -- The documentary awards come and go quickly. No surprise that the penguins take the big prize.
7:21 p.m. -- Fer cute, the "March of the Penguins" team brought the penguins along with them, and they already had their tuxes.
7:23 p.m. -- Jennifer Lopez introduces Kathleen "Bird" York to sing the nominated song from "Crash." Thank heaven J-Lo's not singing herself.
7:25 p.m. -- And this year's winner for most overproduced production number goes to: The burning car for the "Crash" song.
7:32 p.m. -- Art direction, to "Memoirs of a Geisha." Again, no surprise.
7:36 p.m. -- Another montage, about social themes in movies, to remind the audience that the five Best Picture nominees are part of a long tradition - important movies that didn't make a lot of money.
7:41 p.m. -- Academy president Sid Ganis talking about the glories of moviemaking, and the importance of ... zzzzzzz. Sorry, nodded off there. Something about how going to see "Big Momma’s House 2" is better in a theater than on DVD.
7:44 p.m. -- Salma Hayek's left boob is getting crushed by that dress. She keeps having to adjust herself. This as close to a wardrobe malfunction as we’ll see all night.
7:45 p.m. -- Violinist Itzhak Perlman plays the movie themes, as only he can. Sounds like a K-Tel record ad. Besides, the "Brokeback Mountain" theme sounds better on a guitar.
7:49 p.m. -- "Brokeback Mountain" wins its first Oscar, for Gustavo Santoalalla's score.
7:56 p.m. -- Jake Gyllenhaal introduces another montage, this one about epics. This has absolutely nothing to do with five Best Picture nominees, all of them small and intimate films.
8:01 p.m. -- Imagine being Eric Bana. You're the star of a Best Picture nominee, yet your recognition level is so low you're co-presenting sound mixing with that Barbie doll from "Fantastic Four." Hollywood's a tough business.
8:02 p.m. -- Peter Jackson's crew again takes home a tech Oscar.
8:04 p.m. -- Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep, in paying tribute to Robert Altman, turn typical teleprompter babble into a brilliant piece of semi-improvised insight with overlapping dialogue and neatly unearthed truths. In short, a mini Altman movie. This is the funniest moment of the evening.
8:18 p.m. -- Late returns are in, and the winner for overproduced production number goes instead to the "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" performance from "Hustle & Flow." But listen to Taraji P. Henson belt out the final line.
8:24 p.m. -- Holy mother of pearl! The rappers from "Hustle & Flow" win the Oscar! Hip-hop in the house! This is like the Grammys: You perform your song, you win the award. And the rappers test ABC's seven-second delay.
8:29 p.m. -- Two and a half hours in and we’re only at sound editing? Let's get moving, people!
8:30 p.m. -- Clooney's back, to introduce the "In Memoriam" montage. Biggest applause: Anne Bancroft, Shelley Winters, Richard Pryor.
8:38 p.m. -- "Tsotsi," from South Africa, wins Foreign-Language Film. And that guy knows how to keep an acceptance speech short.
8:42 p.m. -- "Crash" wins for editing, its first of the night.
8:47 p.m. -- Philip Seymour Hoffman wins Best Actor for "Capote." Hoffman gives the biggest shout-out to his mother. What a guy!
8:56 p.m. -- Surprise! "Memoirs of a Geisha" wins cinematography. Maybe a "Brokeback" victory isn't in the bag.
9:00 p.m. -- Reese Witherspoon wins. Has anyone ever won cuter?
9:11 p.m. -- "Brokeback" wins for adapted screenplay. Larry McMurtry thanks everybody, up to and including his lawyers.
9:14 p.m. -- "Crash" wins for original screenplay. Paul Haggis quotes Bertolt Brecht.
9:20 p.m. -- Ang Lee wins best director for "Brokeback Mountain." Touching and sincere.
9:22 p.m. -- Jack Nicholson presents the top award - how cool is that?
9:23 p.m. -- What?!? "Crash" wins Best Picture? So much for Oscar making history with "Brokeback Mountain." Producer Cathy Schulman talks so much she gets played off the stage.
9:29 p.m. -- Good night, everybody.
10:44 PM
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