Shrinking Sheena

This is going to be my last blog post.

That’s a weird thing for me to write, but there’s good reason behind it.

The last several years have been an amazing journey for me. I’m amazed at how far I’ve come since I first wrote the lines “I’m fat. And I don’t want to be fat anymore.”

That sentiment is still true, and I’m finding ways to make sure I don’t ever have to say that again.

I’ve appreciated the amazing amount of support and encouragement out there. It was that, and some great friends, who helped me permanently get rid of about 40 pounds from my body. And for that, I’ll be eternally grateful (as will my heart and myriad other internal organs).

But as time went on, and those out there in the blogosphere got more cruel, it created this self-looping process where I’d feel bad about not losing weight in a week, they’d tell me I’m fat, stupid, ugly and hopeless, and I’d want to eat more because of it. I promise that I’m harder on myself than anyone else ever could be, and for a couple of years, I could handle that kind of constant, brutal criticism. But as I ramped up with working here at The Trib, a second job as a Youth advocate and taking classes at the University of Utah, the stress levels built to the point where that stuff stuck with me in ways I didn’t realize.

That’s when I got a Facebook message from an old friend, Anne, who, funnily enough, always seems to serve as a moral compass for me whether she realizes it or not. She gave me a few bits of advice that stuck with me: get into counseling, drop the blog and do what you need to do to lose the weight. She shared her story and told me it was possible, even when she at first thought it wasn’t.

So, that’s what I did.

And it worked.

For the past two weeks, I decided to do something fairly drastic, but that has the OK from several of my doctors (yes, I have multiple) and has long-lasting effects. It was triggered not only by my active decision to change my relationship with food, but after another hospitalization after yet another burst ovarian cyst, I realized it was time to take this weight off in a big way.

I’ve been doing the HCG diet, and it’s been awesome. As of today, I’ve lost 16.6 pounds, and I’m not hungry or feeling deprived.

That, coupled with a completely eye-opening physiology class that has let me see what I’ve done to my body on a cellular level, has revolutionized the way I look at food.

I know it’s not the typical everyday diet style I started out with. But when that stopped working, I knew it was time to change things up. This weight has got to come off now, and I need to keep it off. I’ve talked with enough people, both professionals and everyday users of the HCG stuff, that I know it works in the long run.

I’ve also found out that hard and fast rules work best for me. So, when the HCG craziness is over, I’m cutting out a few things permanently: fast food —watch Fast Food Nation sometime, Good heavens! — soda, red meat and cheese. And carbs are going to be at the bottom of the priority list.

I look at my lifestyle, my goals and my attitude, and all of them have changed in huge ways. I am a more conscientious eater, I choose to build activity into my day any way I can (often taking stairs instead of elevators, and parking as far away as possible, walking instead of driving) and I don’t look at food as something that controls me.

It’s been revolutionary, and I appreciate your support, concern and encouragement through it all. I’ve simply reached a point where what’s best for me is to do this on my own, and the good thing is, I’m doing it.

Thanks again for everything.

Onward and Downward!

OK, I promised to post my weigh-in today, and while I'm just 90 minutes shy of it being tomorrow, here I am writing.

The scale was all over the place, and early-morning weigh-ins always seem to be the most unfavorable. But I'll take what the scale had to spit out this morning.

The number: 251.4.

So, it's a .8 pound drop this week. Not great, but I'm trending in the right direction, and I expect next week's drop to be even bigger as I stayed disciplined in bringing healthy home lunches and really cutting back on how often I go out to eat.

Onward and Downward!

Oh my goodness. I can't even believe how fast the last weeks (eek, nearly months!!) have just flown by. School started up and I just entered a vortex of complete and utter craziness. I'm sorry to keep so many of you hanging for so long, that was just flat-out rude, and I'll do everything I can from preventing that from happening in the future.

My new schedule has me in school in the mornings, work from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. and then sequestering myself in the library until they kick me out at midnight. I then wake up the next day at 6:45 and do it all over again. I haven't even had a moment to breathe, and this is the first moment at my breaking-news job that I've had a minute to sit down and actually write.

I guess I'll start at the beginning of the semester. I am enrolled in human anatomy and human physiology, and I quickly realized there is a reason I skipped science-based classes my first time around in college. Oh, I'm going to school to get my nursing prerequisites done in the hope I can apply next spring and start my nursing education as a "just in case" backup career. Anyway, those first two weeks were nothing but pure hell. Sorry for the language, but anything less wouldn't do it justice. Between my two jobs, I was working seven days a week, and any spare time went to homework. I totally freaked out, and in the worst way. I let myself gorge on fast food, and it seemed like the more I ate the hungrier I was. It was classic Sheena stress-eating.

It wasn't until I grabbed one of my former editors and good friends and explained to her out loud that I was doing really bad things to myself and needed to stop for me to actually stop. She gave me some great tips, and the next weekend, I was able to carve out time to cook up $20 worth of chicken breasts, stock up on frozen veggies and some yogurt so I could start bringing lunch to work every day.

It was amazing how I felt when I opened my freezer and fridge and was able to put together a healthy meal in less than five minutes. My shoulders raised up and I didn't feel like I was being slammed into the floor. So, for the past few weeks, I've been in control of what I've been eating and the ridiculous eating patterns of the beginning of the semester have passed.

I got on a scale after the binge, and was disheartened but not surprised by the number: 254.8.

My most recent weigh-in was Thursday, and the scale said 252.2.

My schedule is still crazy, but I'm starting to finally hit a workable stride, it seems. So, I promise to start posting regularly again, and I'll check back in on Thursday with my weekly weigh-in, which I promise will start becoming a weekly habit yet again.

Onward and Downward!

I apologize for the long absence. It was a combination of being busier than I've ever been during the holiday season, having odd days off from work and also my deep fear over a couple of very bad days that included way too many treats.

On Christmas Eve, everyone at The Tribune decided to bring in homemade goodies, and I totally caved. I swear I ate my body weight in sugar that day.

But then I pulled myself together, realizing that one bad day can destroy a points total for a week, but only for a week.

So I started being better about what I was eating. I started incorporating the word no back into my eating habits, though I had fallen away from tracking points every day. Not a good thing, and I knew it.

Then, I hit a breaking point. I started freaking out about work and balancing school and a social life and just felt completely stressed out. Normally, that would mean I'd put the chocolate-cake consumption into hyperdrive, but instead, I strapped on a swimsuit and took nearly 90 minute to go my mile. I was extra-slow because I was trapped in my head for a good 45 minutes trying to work things out. I felt better when I got out, but felt even better the next day when I swam for another mile (this time it only took my normal 75 minutes). I stepped out of the pool feeling clear-headed for the first time in weeks. The cacophony that had filled my head was finally quiet, and I could hear that small Sheena voice in the back of my brain telling me to calm down and get a grip.

And there's nothing like moving for 90 minutes that makes you want to track every calorie going into your body because I really didn't want to move for that long for naught as far as weight-loss goes. So I've been using my handy dandy iWatcher on my iPhone and tracking all my points.

Apparently, that effort has paid off. I got on the scale this morning, and it didn't waiver even a tiny bit in each of the three times I get on to make sure I get an accurate reading.

The number: 247.8.

That's nearly two pounds from my last weigh-in. I know that isn't a huge drop, but it's the first time I've lost any kind of weight over Christmas, which is a good thing. And I feel like I've hit the reset button and dialed down a lot of the stress that kept me mind-running at night instead of sleeping.

I know I can balance work, school and friends with carving out a few hours a week for a dip in the pool that will help me not only lose weight but also keep me sane.

Onward and Downward!

Well, this morning was one of those mornings I was praying the scale hadn't moved in the wrong direction.

This past week, I allowed myself to give in to the stress of finals week at school and a crazy work schedule. No, I didn't eat everything in sight or just binge on junk food. But I haven't been diligent about tracking points. Yes, I still ate my tasty high-fiber cereal and if I got a hankering for a snack, it was a Fiber One bar. And I've been good at avoiding the treats that seem to pop up on every counter during this time of the year.

Until yesterday at the company Christmas party.

I made a plate of fruits, veggies and a turkey sandwich.

But then I saw the chocolate-covered pretzels, and I made a fatal mistake.

I thought, "Oh, come on, I can have just two and be good." The tactic has worked in the past — I get the taste of it and don't feel like I'm totally denying myself.

That didn't happen. I swear, I entered a chocolate haze, and I can't even tell you how many mini pretzels I ate. I know that it had to be near 20. Heaven help me. Next time, it's going to be a flat-out no.

So, while I know the pretzels may not have caught up with me yet on the scale, I was praying for at least a stable number.

I got it.

The number: 249.4.

But that's simply not good enough. I will track my points this week and make sure that I'm staying on top of calorie intake. My goal for this week is to lose as much weight as possible by following my points plan and sticking with it. If I can lose weight during Thanksgiving, I know I can lose weight the week before Christmas.

Onward and Downward!