The Defamer gives Utah's Cirque Lodge a bad review: "Eva Mendes latest victim of Cirque Lodge's non-miraculous healing power."

The Defamer alleges that after spending several weeks at the Sundance-based treatment center for a "substance abuse" problem, Mendes checked out on February 7th (passing Kirsten Dunst in the turnstile). Eva was soon back on the party circuit.

But Eva's not the only Cirque alum who hasn't quite kicked whatever habit they went in there with; illustrious fellow Cirque-ers include David Hasselhoff, Mary-Kate Olsen, Richie Sambora and our favorite topless "art" model, Lindsay Lohan. So how well did each of these stellar examples of tip top health fare after leaving the Lodge, sober certificate in hand? From hamburgers to hoovering powder on the beach, the verdict is in.

Maybe Eva missed the most critical part of the cure: a shopping adventure in Orem. On the other hand, that could hurl the most determined twelve-stepper off the wagon.