For all you conspiratologists out there who have been warning that electronic voting machines, Utah's Diebold's touch screens in particular, are the end of democracy as we know it — check out this news item on The Onion, shout "I told you so" and high five your 35 cats.

The Onion reports that due to a "minor software glitch" thousands of Diebold voting machines have released the winner of the 2008 election months early to the consternation of "the group of military and corporate leaders who have chosen every American president since Eisenhower."

Best person-on-the-street quote:

"If you can't trust your shadowy overlords to keep a secret, what is the purpose, really?"