'Mom finds neighbors odd'
New York Daily News personal advice columnist Harriette Cole, who is carried in The Salt Lake Tribune, offers an arresting sociological snapshot of Salt Lake City followed by some head-scratching advice.Kelsey in Salt Lake City writes Harriette:
My family just moved to a new city, into a subdivision with many other families with children of similar ages to my own. I was dismayed to find that when I reached out to a few of my neighbors to coordinate play dates, I was met with icy responses - some said their kids weren't around, others said they really don't let their kids play at other people's homes. Do you find that strange?Harriette who apparently has never been west of the Hudson River, doesn't get it.
Here's her advice:
Start over. While clearly disconcerting, your initial reception from your neighbors should not turn you away from forging positive family relationships forever. Go slowly. Reach out to one family at a time. Ask whether you can have coffee with one of the mothers. Get to know one, and eventually you may be invited to know others. . . .Terrific advice, Harriette, but I would substitute a neighborhood cosmopolitan party for the coffee clach to break the ice with Kelsey's "strange" neighbors.
17 Comments:
lol. How about Prozac chasers with the cosmos? Easy to find in the SLC 'burbs...
As someone that has grown up in Utah and not of the predominate faith (yes they do let us live here)I have seen this all of my life. My advice to her is just be nice and maybe if she volunteered at her children's school she could find moms more similar to her. My daughter recently moved out of state and commented on how nice her neighbors have been. And they didn't even ask which ward they belonged to first.
another hit against mormons - a good day's work for you guys!
yes, not allowing your young child to suddenly play in the house of a new stranger is based on religious beliefs only. hmmmm....
wait a minute....child molestation, kidnappings, and amber alerts have also been on the news for utah in recent years. that must have NOTHING to do with it - nope, we'll just blame it all on the mormons.
stop crying.
Warchol is just doing his job -- playing up to the bitter, angry non/ex-mo crowd.
The Trib knows its constituency very well.
Been there, done that. A few years ago my Japanese wife and I, white, called the owner of a home for rent.
Sure, she said, it's a great place. Come on over and see it.
We did. But when she and her husband saw my non-white wife, they told us the place had been rented.
Welcome to Utah. People who aren't of the domineering faith, take a hike.
Oh come on, this "story" is the biggest waste of server space on the internet. Who cares. Since when did you need an excuse to start bitching about Mormons?
so, one ignorant old fart denied you an apartment because of your asian wife?
and your conclusion is, "Welcome to Utah"?
Well, at least you're not judging the entire state and its residents based on one individual. that would be ridiculous!
stop whining - multicultural marriages are more common in utah than you think (including my own). stop looking for far-fetched excuses to complain about mormons.
The truth is, if the parents didn't see you at the wardhouse on Sunday, they really don't want their kids playing with your kids. Part of that is that they don't really know you and part is that you might be teaching the kids something they don't want them taught which includes too many things to include here. Good luck getting past that. There are some LDS folks who may be accepting, but they will be a small minority.
The Fact is You can blame "EVERYTHING" on the DAMN MORMONS......PERIOD.....
The West Side may have gangs, meth, murders, etc.
But because Mormons are almost a minority here, they are very nice.
It would be ridiculous for them to keep their kids from playing with my kids because there are Latino Catholic kids they can play with instead.
man looking to buy house in neighborhood gets my number from real estate agent. He calls at 11am on a fall Saturday morning. The first thing he said to me was "How many fucking Mormons are in this neighborhood"? I said gee it is Sat morning and I would guess they are at their kids soccer practice right now so therefore are not Fucking right now so I can't really tell you. 20 years later he still looks at me funny and over the years would not let his kids even talk to mine or the gay couple next door either! So there are idiots of all types.
When I moved here I was not hateful or judgmental of Mormons. After living here a while I noticed a pattern. LDS people generally don't speak to me and when they do they are extremely rude. People that are from here also stare at people that are different (usually me). I was so mortified one time when I got off an airplane in the SLC airport and I saw a fair number of people in the terminal staring at the black people walking in front of me. So, Mormons, if your mother didn't tell you, it's rude to stare at people. That's just one example of how awful people here have been. Mormons need to learn some manners.
You know what's really weird? I moved into a Murray neighborhood three years ago and my non Mormon neighbors on both sides of my house and directly across the street have never once knocked on my door to say hi, brought over cookies, beer, bread or even acknowledged we exist.
And I thought it was only mormons who ignore the non mormons.
I grew up LDS. When I was 12, I was told I could no longer play with my friends down the street when it became clear they were non-Mormon. It was very sad.
So, yes: It does happen; some Mormons do shun those who aren't of the "correct" faith. It's hurtful, and complaining about it isn't whining. It's the truth.
There is a small park across the street in our house in Salt Lake, near downtown.
I would regularly take my young son over when there were people there, just so he could interact with other kids. LDS mothers wouldn't make eye contact with me, say hello, or acknowledge my child. This happened on a weekly basis.
Several times there was a group of LDS dads. Same thing.
So much for 'Member Missionaries'.
I find when Mormons do not reach out it is because they 1) don't have the time because of time constraints and 2) are afraid of being condemned over being mormon and having mormon behaviorisms and 3) having to explain non-mormon behavior to their children.
Actually, this behavior is extremely common and normal for ANY peoples raised in ghettos, Mormon, Jewish, black, mexican, russian and before you all get on me for using the word ghetto, apply history to Salt Lake. That is why Mormons are different when out of their area.
I love reading blog comments like this and the associated drivel that follows from bloggers in its wake.
Having grown up in Utah, but also having had the opportunity to live outside the state, I can tell you that Utah is no different from any other area in the world where one group, be it religious, ethnic, or what have you, dominates the local landscape. People are not perfect, have prejudices, and make mistakes. But, it's not the fault of the predominant religion, the predominant race, etc. It's because people are people.
Having known many "non-members" I can attest to the fact that there are just as many closed-minded, prejudiced bigots here in Salt Lake City who are not members of the LDS church, as a percentage of their overall population, as there are members of the LDS church. To that, the simple response would be to say "Hey, the Mormons settled Utah. If you don't like how it works here, leave." But, that too is the wrong position to take.
To all who would rather get on here and trash their neighbor because they happen to be Mormon, Catholic, Presbyterian, black, white, Hispanic, etc. I would simply say, grow up and follow the Golden Rule...treat others as you would have others treat you.
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