Mitt Romney, savior of the 2oo2 Olympics, butterflies, red balloons, kittens and a corporation here and there, runs for president of the U.S.A. — and drags Utah along for the ride. We LOVE our Mitt and fund his ambitions. Nevertheless, the Mittster is knocked out of the race — in large part because he's a Mormon (and a apparent cyborg). A final slap comes when John McCain passes over him as a running mate. But, like a determined cyborg, Mitt'll be back — in 2012.

Barack Obama gets trounced in Utah, but carries the People's Republic of Salt Lake County. The rest of the state quickly quarantines SLCo, hoping it will get better.

Rocky Anderson leaves office as Salt Lake City's nationally renowned rebel mayor, headed for bigger and better things and promptly disappears.

Ralph Becker, a former Democratic, thus ineffectual, member of the state House, gets himself elected mayor and promptly disappears.

Incumbents, terrified that voters are angered by their breathtaking arrogance and nearly non-existent ethical standards, pledge to reform themselves. Most are re-elected and it quickly becomes apparent that nothing will change.

Gun freaks derail Gov. Jon Huntsman's appointment of Judge Hilder to the Utah Court of Appeals because he ruled in favor of a University of Utah ban on weapons on campus.

U.S. Senator, and aspiring lyricist, Orrin Hatch dedicates his political life to releasing convicted drug dealers into society.

To be continued . . .