Salt Lake Crawler

The Still Free Capitalist, Rick Koerber has been hit with 19 more charges in connection with his alleged $100 million ponzi scheme.  But worse—worse even than heading for splitsville with his wife—the Deseret News printed Koerber's full name: Claud R. Koerber.

Claud? The teasing at recess must have been unspeakable.

Hey, feds. Let Claud go, he's suffered enough.

A pair of guys who wander the nation to make local business commercials for free*, made one for Salt Lake Community College. The resulting Mormon Haircuts is getting tons of hits. Actually, the "Making of the Commercial" documentary is funnier than the commercial itself.

Here's the commercial:

*ILoveLocalCommercials.com is a promotion for MicroBilt, which provides data to small businesses for "offering credit, collecting debts and background screening."

Could this be possible? The LDS Church and gays form a axis of power against a coalition of conservative legislators, the Sutherland Institute and Gayle Ruzicka? Talk about a fun legislative session.

Of course it won't be that simple, but the gay rights protection ordinances passed by the Salt Lake City Council with the astonishing support of the Mormon Church will surely be a model for state laws and it's already getting weird. Several lawmakers told the Deseret News a statewide version doesn't stand much of a chance.

Senate President Michael Waddoups offered a stunning glimpse into the sensibilities of lawmakers. Here's an excerpt from the DNews article (Note to reporter Lisa Riley Roche: You always record interviews—so why don't you give us Waddoups's full, juicy quotes).

However, Waddoups, a property manager, said he wants the "right to protect the image of my company" against gay employees "out flaunting the gay lifestyle" during work hours. He said he also had concerns about similar behavior among his tenants.

"I'm not going to put up with that on any of my properties," Waddoups said.

Sweet. The state Senate is run by a slum lord. And what is "flaunting the gay lifestyle."

Meanwhile, The Salt Lake Tribune reports an LDS apostle is enthusiastic about the idea of  gay protections in the rest of Utah. (I can't believe I typed that sentence.) Elder Jeffrey R. Holland told the Trib:

"Anything good is shareable. Everybody ought to have the freedom to frame the statutes the way they want. But at least the process and the good will and working at it, certainly that could be modeled anywhere and even elements of the statute."

(I'm sure you news junkies are scratching your heads — 'The godless Trib has the interview with an LDS apostle, not the church-owned DNews?' Truly, the world is turning upside down.)

Last year, in what seemed like a non sequitur, then-Gov. Jon Huntsman told reporters he supported same-sex civil unions. It was met with disgust by conservative lawmakers. Ruzicka even said, "Shame on him!"

Now, I've got to wonder if Huntsman had a better mojowire to the Church Office Building than lawmakers.

I foresee several lawmakers "getting their minds right" before the session begins in January.

A former chief deputy attorney general under Democrats, says Attorney General Mark Shurtleff may have bailed out of the Senate race, in part, because he violated federal campaign finance laws in his aborted campaign.

After studying the Republican's campaign financial material, Joe Tesch filed a complaint with the Federal Election Commission saying that by using money raised under Utah's wild-and-woolly state financing rules in his Senate campaign, Shurtleff probably violated federal law.

Shurtleff terminated his campaign to care for his daughter who is suffering from mental health problems. Tesch said his complaint may have been part of the decision.

"I would suspect that it was a whole pile of things and whether or not my request for an investigation played into that, who knows?"

Shurtleff campaign adviser Jason Powers says the complaint had nothing to do with Shurtleff's decision. Powers questioned Tesch's motives, pointing out that the news media received copies of his complaint before the Shurtleff campaign did.

 

89 brides for seven brothers — Raymond Jessop, the first of a dozen FLDS men to be tried in Texas on sexual assault and bigamy charges related to polygamy has been sentenced to 10 years in prison by a jury in the West Texas town of Eldorado. Jessop told reporters: "I'm at peace."

Small minds in a big state — Mormons in another small Texas town are fighting fantastical rumors about their religion as they try to build a church. Helotes, Tx., has a variety of churches, including a Hindu temple, but anti-Mormon rumors are ciculating, including (a personal favorite) that the Osmonds are the Mormon version of the Manson Family.

This land is our land — Led by New York Congressman Maurice Hinchey, 89 House members signed a letter to Interior Secretary Ken Salazar asking him to protect millions of acres of red rocks lands in Utah until Congress can make a permanent decision on wilderness. Utah Rep. Rob Bishop complains: “If Congressman Hinchey was serious about protecting lands in Utah, he should try to work with Utahans instead of trying to go around us.”

Born with roses in her eyes — The Daily Beast offers a rollicking interview with Salt Lake's "Hipster Grifter." The thing she misses most in the slammer? Her IPod. "Steve Jobs should pay me mass quantities of scrilla for that endorsement. I miss music more than anything. I am the 'Hipster Grifter' after all." A grifter fav song.

Latest idiot index — Utah is a very happy place, says a University of Cambridge study. By talking to a vast number of people and feeding it into a powerful computer, the survey learned that states with a quality standard of living, high income and affordable housing were "significantly happier than poorer areas." Apparently, Utah's conservative politics might have something to do with it, too. Right-wingers tend to seem happier, the study noted.