Village Vidiot: TV

Spending days cooped up in home and hacking all colors of the rainbow has left me drained, but I've decided to return because frankly my family needs to eat in these trying economic times.

Yet during that time, I watched little television (though "The Big Bang Theory"and "Mad Men" convinced me that I still wanted to live). Instead, I played a lot of TV.

I've been immersed in one of the best PlayStation 3 games every produced - "Uncharted 2" - and Indiana Jones-esque adventure game that is unbelievably beautiful and a blast to play. I just wish the movies that inspired the game were nearly as good.

Here's hoping I don't get sick for another two years.

How would you like to be a "Simpsons" animator?

Fox is giving you the chance with a new contest. I think I'll submit my creation above, "TV Critic Guy."

From Fox's press release:

For 20 years, the artists and writers of THE SIMPSONS have lovingly labored to create a memorable mix of characters that have been embraced by fans around the world. As part of the “Best. 20 Years. Ever.” celebration, FOX and THE SIMPSONS are offering fans, for the first time ever, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to unleash their yellow and make their mark on Springfield history through THE SIMPSONS Character Contest.

Beginning today, fans can enter THE SIMPSONS Character Contest to create the “Best. Character. Ever.” Fans 18 years of age and older will have an opportunity to produce the newest Springfield resident and create the character’s traits, including name/nickname, age, appearance, occupation and catchphrases, at thesimpsons.com. The deadline for submissions is 11:59 PM ET on October 24, 2009.

The winning entry, selected by THE SIMPSONS producers, will be animated into an episode of THE SIMPSONS in January 2010 to be seen by millions of people around the world. The grand-prize winner will also receive a trip to Los Angeles to meet with SIMPSONS producers and an animator and work with the team to bring the character to life on the small screen.

For complete official rules, contest guidelines and more information, visit thesimpsons.com.

The 19-year-old country/pop singer will host "Saturday Night Live" next month, so expect a (hopefully) funny skit about Kanye West.

The singer said she's been "thinking about skit ideas for a long time," according to an Associated Press story. ""There are definitely some hilarious things that have happened to me over the past couple of months that I think will be pretty substantial skits."

And to position herself to win the award for "Most Pretentious Quote from a 19 Year Old," Swift also had this to say: "I love being around people who I feel have a different kind of creative genius. And the funny genius is definitely a fascinating one to be around."

I'm not inspired much by television. Entertained, yes. Amused, perhaps. But never inspired.

The last time I was moved to do something was when I watched the one-hour drama "The Paper Chase" in 1978 and was inspired to "think like a lawyer." And look where that got me.

But Ken Burns' latest documentary about the national parks, which ran a couple of weeks ago, motivated me to go out with my wife and two daughters and see the glorious natural backdrops in our state's own backyard.

So we packed up the minivan and headed for the closest national park, Capitol Reef, because Burns told me to. He said in his six-part series that visiting the national parks was a generational family experience -that it creates memories that you pass on down to your children and so on.

That made me feel like the worst father in the world since the only time I took my kids to a natinoal park was when we all went to Yellowstone a few years ago. And the most memorable moment then was when my then 5-year-old nearly choked on a Jolly Rancher my brother in law gave her. She ended up throwing up on one of the park's boardwalks. Good times.

I digress. My family and I had fun in Torrey, which is just outside of Capitol Reef, and there were incredible sights to see and places to hike.

Needless to say, that partly explains why I haven't posted on the blog for so long. I finally was able to take a much-needed two-week vacation where we also visited family in Seattle. I finished off my time being sick, something I must have picked up from someone in the family.

But I'm back, and I'm ready to report on the world of television (well, not really). Heard any good stories lately?

With Jon and Kate Gosselin heading for divorce court in one of the nastiest and most public separations in reality TV history, the father in this equation is bowing out of the television show.

"Given the recent changes in the family dynamics, it only makes sense for us to refresh and recalibrate the program to keep pace with the family," network president Eileen O'Neill says in a statement. "The family has evolved and we are attempting to evolve with it."

I guess just cancelling a dying show just wasn't an option. It certainly was for a lot of viewers who have abandoned the show for greener television pastures.

Frankly, I would be happier with just "Plus 8."

But he's going to dabble into something he's never done before - a scripted drama.

He's reportedly working with a writer to create a series about a lawyer who gets a second chance at life after a near-fatal car crash. No word yet on when it's coming out. Burnett's wife, Roma Downey ("Touched by an Angel") will be co-producing the series with her husband.

It is, however, not the first time he's worked on a scripted series. If you recall (and you probably don't thank heavens), he was the producer of a failed sitcom called "Commando Nanny" about a paratrooper who became a nanny (no kidding). It actually was based on Burnett's real life experience.

The show will be called "Haven" and involves a town in Maine (where else) in which the residents there are cursed.

The show will be produced by the same behing-the-camera as the recently cancelled "The Dead Zone," another show based on a King book.

A remake of King's "Children of the Corn" was just recently broadcast on the Syfy Channel.

Another cancellation in TV Land.

A&E's "The Cleaner," starring Benjamin Bratt ("Law & Order"), has not been renewed after its second season.

Bratt played a real-life interventionist in the series, which was the network's first scripted drama in six years, according to The Hollywood Reporter.