My date for cocktails with Dan Savage is off.

I made the invite in the Culture Vulture column in the dead-tree Tribune on Tuesday, asking the famed sex-advice columnist and Seattle alt-weekly editor to visit Utah. My purpose: To show him that his call for a blanket boycott of all things Utah - in response to the LDS Church's hardcore support of the hateful Prop. 8, banning same-sex marriage in California - would do significant collateral damage to non-Mormon and gay-friendly Utahns.

On Monday, before my column hit the streets, Savage posted his RSVP on Slog, the blog for his alt-weekly The Stranger:

Best to the wife, Sean, and I get it, I get it: you're not all bigots and haters, and people marched against Prop 8 in Salt Lake City this weekend. But I'm not ready to make nice—on purpose or by accident—with the bigots and haters from Magic Underpants Inc. who donated money and time to Prop 8. ... You may have a beef with me and others "[singling] out Utah for [our] wrath over Prop. 8's passage," but we have a much bigger beef with the religious bigots that run Utah.

Dan, the invitation remains open. History is on your side, not on the side of the "bigots and haters" - and if a boycott facilitates the change you both seek, then the best of luck to you.

A lot of conservative Mormons in Utah would be overjoyed to know gays and lesbians are avoiding the state - and if those leftist Hollywood types don't come to the Sundance Film Festival, all the better. A boycott won't hurt the people you're targeting, and will do damage to many of your friends and supporters.

This isn't about whether sympathetic Utahns are more persecuted than California gays and lesbians. It's not a victimhood contest. That's the sort of us-vs.-them bickering that the anti-gay forces are counting on to keep their side on top.

There's also the argument that non-Mormons in Utah are enablers to the state's LDS-dominated power structure, and if non-Mormons don't like it they should move. Non-Mormons will tell you that this is their home, too - and if gays and lesbians wanted to help, they would move here in droves and join the fight.

(Imagine if a million gays and lesbians moved to Utah in the next two years - strategically placed in suburbs like West Jordan and Sandy, shifting the balance of power in the Utah Legislature just in time for the once-a-decade redistricting debate. Oh, the commotion!)

Fighting hate with more hate isn't working. Sometimes turning the other cheek isn't just the Christian thing to do, but it's the surest way to drive the other side bonkers.

Labels: LDS, politics