Don't count out Utah private clubs - and their annoying and antiquated rules of membership fees and wink-wink sponsorships - just yet.

Despite efforts by Gov. Jon Huntsman and the Department of Alcohol Beverage Control to reform the rules, Republicans in the Utah Senate want to keep the idiotic laws exactly as they are.

"Unless we find something better that protects our children and protects us from drunken drivers, we want no change in private club memberships," Senate President-elect Michael Waddoups told the Tribune's Dawn House. "Someday we may find a better solution, but it hasn't even been suggested at this point."

The problem is Utah's liquor laws don't protect children and motorists. They just irritate those who drink and remind them they are an oppressed minority in this predominantly Mormon state.

Sometimes, the laws cooked up by Utah's control-freak legislators do more harm than good.

Take, for example, this year's legislation to ban flavored malt beverages - a k a "alcopops" - from Utah's supermarkets. The idea was to keep underage customers from sneaking a six-pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade past an unsuspecting grocery clerk (something that could not happen, since the scanners at checkout flag alcohol purchases, no matter how well disguised the product).

Did the law keep these "cheerleader beers" out of young drinkers' hands? No. Here's what happened: Instead of having an older brother or frat brother go to Albertson's to buy 3.2 drinks, that older person now goes into a state liquor store and buys "alcopops" with a 5 percent alcoholic content - thus ensuring the drinker gets drunk faster.

Here's the early clue that "protecting children" wasn't really the drive for the "alcopops" ban: When the law went into effect in October, supermarkets had to destroy their remaining inventory - while the state liquor stores were allowed to sell off what they had in stock.

When the Utah Legislature starts talking about "protecting children," they really mean they're protecting the state's monopoly on liquor sales.

Labels: alcohol, alcohol laws, LDS, politics